TRANSPARENT

Sejujurnya..

2012-01-31T00:28:00.001+08:00

Hati dah kering nak menunggu result.

Bukan sebab try bukak banyak kali, tak dapat.

Or server down.

Or internet connection sangat slow ke apa.

Cuma..

Hati dah mula tawar. Sangat.

Hati dah mula kata "tak apa. Kalau gagal, cuba lagi".

Tapi sejujurnya, kalau boleh, tak nak ada gagal. Kesian Ibu Ayah.

Tapi..

Kalau hati betul betul dah tawar, kering, tak ada perasaan...

"redha je dengan kehendakNya", kata hati.

PS: result aku tak dapat tengok lagi.
PS: Mom, Dad, if i fail a subject or two, im sorry. I truly am, sorry.

Bunga api berdentam dentum macam nak mula perang dunia ke empat. Cantik jugak langit kena pancaran cahaya mercun. Tapi, annoying jugak bunyinya yang sangat kuat. Tapi, bukan selalu macam ni :)

Bestfriends Or Just Friends, Either Way, It's Still The Same

2012-01-25T01:14:00.002+08:00

Kadang kadang aku akan tulis something yang berlaku kat sekeliling aku. Bukan sebab nak mengaibkan atau apa. Aku bukan yang macam dulu, yang suka kutuk orang dalam blog. Im not that person anymore (insyaAllah). Tapi, aku tulis sebab benda tu boleh buat 'rujukan' aku.

Aku suka perhati. Lepas tu aku suka pikir, and kalau boleh relate sikit dengan aku, aku pikir lagi, and aku akan buat assumptions/conclusions aku sendiri. Like, 'bagi aku, kalau macam ni macam ni macam ni, dia akan jadi macam tu'. Ha camtu la.

Jadi, kalau benda yang aku tulis ada kaitan dengan korang, firstly nak mintak maaf sebab amek situasi korang as aku punya 'bahan rujukan'. Secondly, aku nak cakap thanks sebab create a scene or 'drama' yang boleh jadikan pengajaran untuk aku jugak :)

So.

Aku selalu terpikir, can a guy and a girl become bestfriends? I once tweeted abou this, and someone answered, yes. I asked why, and s/he didnt answer. Bagi aku, benda macam tu takkan jadi sebab either way, one of them will ended up liking him/her bestfriend. Betul tak? In other words, it'll be a one-sided love.

Aku tau la sebab aku pun pernah kena.

Tapi, since ada yang kata boleh, aku pun observe la orang sekeliling. Aku tengok, ada yang menjadi, dan ada yang tak. Tapi dalam dua dua keadaan tu, mesti akan ada salah sorang dari dorang tu akan suka dia punya so-called bestfriend. And i was right. (Yeyyyy tepuk kuat kuat untuk aku! :D)

So in the end, it's either just friends, lovers, or no relationship at all.

Dah. Tu je nak habaq :) Aku tulis sebenarnya sebab this question keeps bugging me. It's like the urge of 'if i dont write this, it'll be the most disturbing thoughts ever'. Haha.

PS: i wonder how it's like to have that special someone that will always on and by your side. And, you can tell them all of your secrets, stories, your likes and dislikes. Calls you everyday and night. Get all those morning texts everytime you woke up. And telling you that you're beautiful. For once, i want to feel that kind of feeling. Aha this is so random kbye!

Not So Sweet Anymore Huh?

2012-01-20T23:48:00.004+08:00

Aku sampai kena fikir dua, no, 50 kali untuk jawab soalan dia ni. Bukan apa, i sometimes feel that i might embarrass myself. I never in my whole life met a guy who is so mature by both mentally and physically (although sometimes he can be really immature). And yeah, he's so good in speaking english, he never fails to convince the lecturer to 'buy' his ideas and designs. (Yeah, he's in the same department as me, and apparently, the same studio as me).

And so, that conversation happens. Memang malu, to be frank.

But that's not the point. I am now worry about my friends who smoke.

I dont know what else i could do. I was, one time, a bit mad, i made a sarcastic (well not really sarcastic) comment after a friend of mine finished smoking. Aku cakap kat dia "entah-entah, bila aku dah 25, aku dah tak jumpa kau dah". I know it's not nice at all to say such things tapi, aku rasa macam that's the only way to provoke him -- i think.

Entah.

Aku mula risau sebab, i had a dream, and it wasnt a song that i can sing. It's a bad dream where i attended a funeral -- a friend's. He died because of something that is related to the effect of smoking, something like that.

Huhh.. I dont know. Maybe to them, it's a habit that cannot be stopped. Maybe they really like it. But well, kalau dorang ada will to stop smoking, mesti dorang akan cari at least a way untuk stop smoking kan?

Entah.

Tapi jujur, kadang kadang ada jugak tergerak hati nak sedut sekali rokok tu. Nak rasa and nak tahu penyebab ketagihan rokok tu. And, sebab kadang kadang bau rokok tu sangat manis, i sneakily inhale all the sweetness of it. Ah dammit. I should stop that, shouldnt i?

But seriously, guys, please stop smoking. If you love me (as a friend) then stop. If not, i cant do anything but let you die in misery and i swear to God i wont attend any of your funeral if you die because of lung cancer or anything that make cigarette the cause of your death. Deal? Yeah i dont need your deal or anything. I will surely wont attend any anyway.

...Jahatnya kau.

Well, im just being concern, in my own way.

It's A Cycle

2012-01-18T14:44:00.002+08:00

When you are in love,

it's hard to conceal.

That is why i drafted my previous post

To hide the obviousness of my feelings towards someone.

But then again,

this post obviously shows that im in love because i was telling that i was falling for someone (in the previous post) and to cover that up i make it as a draft and now, im telling it was now a draft and make another post saying it was drafted and telling indirectly in this post that im in love.

Phew.

And that is why, people, when you are in love, it's hard to hide.

It's a cycle -- no matter how hard you try to cover that up, you will end up telling anyway.

PS: Sorry for this ridiculousness. It's hard to not to show.

Welcome Home

2012-01-07T18:42:00.001+08:00

Sejujurnya, aku sedih everytime tengok baby ni.

Sejujurnya, aku menangis everytime aku sentuh pipi dia.

At first, like, two days ago, Ibu ada cakap yang akan ada baby kat rumah nanti and i was like, "oh okay". I wasnt that excited. But after exam Bahasa Melayu Kerjaya tadi (which i did so bad but who cares), bukak facebook, and saw Mom posted a picture of a baby. And i was like "AAAAAA BABY BARUUUUU :D" And seriously, aku terus drive back home to see this little creature.

Sangat kecik. Sebesar tapak tangan aku je. No, lagi kecik. Ibu cakap dia keluar 2 minggu awal. Adik aku cakap "macam alien". Haha he does look like an alien :P Tak sabar nak tunggu dia boleh grasp my finger. I seriously love that moment :D

But seriously. Everytime aku cakap dengan dia, aku menangis. Aku taknak bagitahu kenapa tapi jujur, aku rasa sedih sangat tengok baby ni. But at the same time, bersyukur to have another member in the family. Thank you Allah :)

PS: I can see that Mom is really happy. I know. I can tell :)

Growing Up In 2011

2011-12-31T04:08:00.005+08:00

I accidentally read back my 'summing up 2010' thing and it made me, somehow, it made me feel sad and happy at the same time. I dont know why. But, i think i better do the sum ups again before 2011 ends. Because, although, nothing awesome happen this year, but this year really thought me something -- something that i never expected. Because, i've widen my circle and i think i made the right thing. And also, it's like gonna be part of my tradition to sum up the days i've gone through.

So here goes nothing! (waaa im so nervous! :D)

2011 was the year i thought im gonna die.

Nahh. Kidding.

Frankly, i cant recall what happened before i started my second year as an architecture student. I seriously cant recall. It's like i was sleeping during the first half of the year. But all i can remember is this..

I started my 2011 with Yea's birthday on the 4th of Jan. And new semester started.

My birthday wasnt a blast though. But still a memorable one :)

2011 was the first year i feel like smoking. I seriously wanted to try but luckily, i didnt.

And 2011 was the year i had my first car accident. Phew.

2011 was the year i finally understands (a bit) about architecture.

And yes people, i had my first road trip with the studiomates to Port Dickson. I seriously need to thank my parents for that. Yes Mom and Dad, thank you :)

2011, almost throughout half of the year i suffered from heartbroken. I keep saying to myself "forget him. He's not worth the wait". But i still wait. See, love is really a dangerous thing -_-

Haha this is kinda weird but, 2011 was the year i realize that korean pop songs are not as bad as they seem. I started to like CNBLUE and FT Island. And bit by bit, i started to like SNSD. Funny eh? But the fact i like em is because that they really do have talent. So yeah, im buying em kpop! :D

On August 2011, that was during raya, me and the whole family went to visit big brother in the states. That was -- i tell you -- the most awesome-est trip ever! And the first time land myself in the states. It was like a whole new thing. Even though i dislike the raya part (because of homesick and stuff) but everything went so well! And yes, i'll thank Mom and dad later for this :)

2011 was the year i started my second year in IIUM, majoring in architecture (still). Wow.

And so, this is the part i remember the most. Because..

2011 was the year i feel like quitting architecture. I already made up my mind.

2011 was the year i cried my eyes out in front of parents because: read above statement.

2011 was the year i feel like hanging myself till dead.

2011 was the year i started to appreciate people around me.

2011 was the year i feel so close with Mom :)

2011 was the year im on a deadly roller coaster ride.

2011 was the year i realize nothing is easy in this world. Everything needs effort.

2011 was the year i enlarge my circle. I started to give open arms to everyone.

2011 was the year i befriend with people who are a year older than me. Which is good :)

2011 was the year i started to join trips and outings.

2011 was the toughest year for me. But then, every year is tough. Architecture kan.

2011 was the year i realize that some people have their own attitude. Nak tanak, terima je.

2011 was the year we celebrated Yea's birthday.

2011 was the year i finally moved on -- totally. Big applause for me please :)

2011 was the year i feel so appreciated by someone. He's like the nicest guy i've known.

Oh. And not to forget, 2011 was the year i first climbed a hill -- Broga Hill -- with the studiomates! :D

And, i think that sums everything up. I hope i didnt left anything out. Like i said, there're not much of that 'awesome-ness' happen this year (except the part where i climbed up the Broga Hill). Oh ya and seriously, i wont forget the story after our final presentation day, plus during the preparation for the final projects. It was a serious epic moment.

And i think, tomorrow -- i mean today before midnight -- something might happen. InsyaAllah if it happens, it will happen.

So all and all, thank you 2011 for keeping me alive and also tortured me for almost 4 months. I'll come back for you later, when im rich. Haha okay takde kena mengena.

Thank you 2011.

Best friends of 1991 till now

Best friends of 2007 till now

Best friends of 2008 till now

Best friends of 2009 till now

Best friends of 2010 till now

Best friends of 2011 till now

2011 was the year i realize that, there are always people around me who always give open arms and help me during all the ups and downs. And i think i should thank them for that :')

Words And Actions

2011-12-24T21:51:00.001+08:00

When you got loads of plans, if possible, you feel like completing everything in one go.

But you're just a human. And time passes.

And you're a student.

And because of that three factor, you need to choose; to complete, or not to complete those plans.

After the final presentation (and that, people, marks the end of our big mental torture. Oh and for your information, i'm already off of that deadly rollercoaster ride) was over, so many plans come in. So many, you cant even imagine what i've gone through. And we still have other plans to do. And frankly, everything is because of me.

Im so excited that i wanted to do everything. Climb up a hill and watch the sunrise, watch a midnight movie, go around town, karaoke, hanging out all day, eat at Subway, road trips, etc. When someone offers "kau nak pegi...?" and i will like "NAK!" without thinking. I agree at almost everything. And only now i realize that time isnt enough. Exams are coming. And there's that accreditation for the recognition by some architecture association. Pfft.

What the hell was i thinking?

And now im in between friendships. Im not abandoning people. It's like, when someone gives you candy, it's hard to refuse. But for me, when someone gives me sushi, how the hell am i suppose to refuse that?

Really. What was i thinking back there? So immature.

#nowplaying - I Will Forget You, Park Shin Hye version. No wonder im so sentimental tonight -,-

The Semi-Finals

2011-12-17T17:23:00.002+08:00

And so, the finals are over.

Nay.

This is just the semi finals. Yesterday we -- i mean i -- submitted all drawings and boards that we -- i mean i --worked on for one solid week. Mom was right; working at the studio is much more stress-free rather than working alone in the cubic room. Yes, UIA provides three compartment for each person and it is 3 times 3 punya compartment. Kecik weeeh. Sumpah. But seriously, the environment was totally different when working in studio.

So many things happened. I laughed. I stressed out. I laughed. I stressed out. And i laughed again. See.So many things happen, i cant even list em out. No sleeps. Kalau todur pun, dua tiga jam je. Heh.

But sometimes, i hate my studiomates. But i'll get to that later.

You know, yesterday, the urge of blogging was reaaally strong, i feel like blogging whatsoever in my head straight away but too bad, that was during the submission time at the studio. But then, when i have the time (like right now), nothing is coming out. The words, the sentences, the mood are all gone.

Oh well.

I should get back to work. I have another task to do -- model making.

Of Eclipse

2011-12-11T00:25:00.000+08:00

You know what, our submission for final project is on Friday. Yeah, this Friday. I didnt touch any of those boards nor pencils. Not that im lazy. I just need to chill my self for a day. Gonna give myself some slack. I'll be home -- my secondary home which is the studio in UIA, tomorrow. So since im home, gonna spend every minute while i can before i enter the most hectic week in my history.

And you know what, everyone's getting all excited with today's eclipse. It's not really a big deal for me but having a chance to see it, it somehow made me think. Heh. But then again, i always think.

Im not the person who always give a big fuss about things happen around me. Eg, the eclipse. I dont know why. But today, something somehow made me walked out the door and stand in the middle of the streets, looking up to nothing but an eclipse, 'floating' in the empty sky. Tak lama pun aku usha. It's just a 20 seconds of 'waaaaa' and 'merahnyaaaaaa' and '........tu je?'. Hehe.

But with all that, it made me thought and realized that i should explore more on something -- or everything. And that, make me go back to the thing that i left unsolved; the 'what should i do with my life?' and the 'what should i be/do later for a living?'.

Frankly, im still on the edge of deciding. But for now, im gonna ignore that. Because im in the middle of struggling for my final projects and i dont want this fucking thing stops me from working hard. I have gone through some shit for a year and a half. If i stop now, im the weakest among the weaklings. So, im gonna put this matter behind me.

But im still gonna look back and solve this. I know it isnt good to look back on things you left behind. But i dont want to get the future laila into trouble. Im gonna help her solve this problem till i find the answer. Who knows, maybe i finally decided to quit my current course and apply for another? Or maybe i stick with architecture? I dont know.

........This eclipse thing really gets me.

PS: Siapa dah tengok Symphony of Illumination? Sedih kan.

Roller Coaster Ride

2011-11-22T15:34:00.000+08:00

I just open tab to this blog. Here i am, starting to write again after two months ignoring this page.

Hi, asslamualaikum.

Just finished with crit 3 and i think that's the final progression for this semester's project. And another 3 months, we'll be having a major presentation. That covers almost half (maybe?) of my CGPA so i should do my best. Or else, i'll be repeating this subject and have to wait another a year to retake/repeat the subject. And if that thing happens, i've to kiss my graduate certificate goodbye.

You know, these past two months, i had a really bad roller coaster ride. It's like im really on a roller coaster, going up and down and such. And i've been on that ride for two months and imagine, a person riding that thing without stopping for two months, how does that feel? Yeah. And for the record, im still on that ride right now.

And at some point, you feel the need to escape and, the only way is to kick and break off the safety belt and jump off of the roller coaster. In other words, im on a suicide mission

Get the idea?

Im not complaining. It's just that im telling others of what im going through. Different people, different stories. So, while i have this kind of opportunity, heh, might as well share it eh?

Hah, come to think of it, i miss one stage of my life. You know, there's a stage of when you were first born, and then you become a kid. After that you're a teenager and the stage goes on. So right now, im passing or skipping my upper teenage life. Uh, the college life -- where you can have fun, tch, you know, that kind of life. From what ive imagined, college life isnt like im going through right now. Tsk, maybe that's just me. Haha.

What else?

Yeah, that's about it. My life is boring, seriously. It just repeats the same thing over and over again. Read the previous posts if wanted to know the progress of my life. I'll write if there's a slight changes from the previous time. (Okay aku rasa aku dah start merepek tak tentu hala). Till then.

.....Entah

2011-10-21T22:44:00.000+08:00

Perasan tak entry emo aku hilang?

Perasan tak blog aku dah boleh view?

Sebab aku dah tak emo dah.

Sebab aku dah tak private blog dah.

Firstly, nak cakap thanks kat 'ada orang tu' sebab sanggup kasi email suruh aku invite dia time aku private blog. Sebab dia suka baca blog aku kot? Haha. But thanks. Sumpah terharu. And, there's one more 'ada orang tu'. Dia tanya kenapa aku private blog. Heh. Thanks. Serious tak sangka kau baca. Aku sebenarnya tak kesah kalau orang baca sebab nak cakap aku lame ke apa, but at least i know some people read this peace of shit. Heh.

Secondly, frankly, im still in the mood of changing my course. Aku siap buat solat sunat istikharah lagi. Tapi bila pikir balik, why give up now when im nearly in the mid of my first semester? Plus, im in my second year right now. So why give up now? Rugi je -- dah elok-elok aku dapat grad awal, kalau tukar course, tak memasal grad lambat. Plus, kawin pun entah bila tah. Im not thinking about getting married or anything related to marriage but logically, betul lah kan.

So that, can wait.

Jadi, after dua minggu tak balik rumah, i am finally home. Ibu siap tanya, "dah tidur belum?". Suasana dinner tadi pun best. Tak macam dulu. And hey, Ibu tegur yang aku dah mengecut! That somehow makes me happy because lately, i think i've gain weight. Hah, bagus jugak tension hari-hari. Hopefully tak mati la sebab stroke ke apa. Mana lah tahu kan.

Anyway, i realize that making decisions when you're upset is not a very wise thing to do. Bila happy pun macam tu jugak -- jangan decide apa-apa bila tengah happy. Kalau nak tahu consequences dia, try lah. Sumpah menyesal.

Itu je nak kasi tahu. Pengalaman weh. Kena la kongsi kan?

Tapi jujur, niat nak tukar course tu still ada. And jujurnya, hati aku dah fixed kat music.

Tengok lah nanti :)

Good Luck Lyla

2011-09-11T08:09:00.001+08:00

Tup tap tup tap, habis tiga bulan cuti.

Tup tap tup tap, esok dah mula dah tahun kedua aku study architecture.

Wow. Lemau gila skill blogging aku -.-

Tak sangka kan, dalam meraung- raung nak mintak keluar dari architecture, tengok-tengok dah nak masuk tahun kedua dah. Aku sendiri tak percaya. Kalau nak flashback everything time study, serious tak dapat nak recall. Kalau dapat recall pun, yang sikit-sikit tu je -- part yang perit bila nak submit projek tu. Yang lain, setahu aku sepanjang setahun belajar kat UIA tu, aku hu-ha-hu-ha je.

Heh. Maybe aku tak amek serious kot time study. Sebab tu susah nak recall balik time belajar.

Apa aku belajar eh setahun lepas?

Anyway. Kali ni nak balik macam tak rasa apa-apa. Kalau dulu, aku emo sepanjang hari, tak mahu balik. Kali ni, macam chill sikit la kot. Still ada feeling tak nak balik tapi, aku okay je la --setakat ni. Tapi aku paling tak ready bila nak start studio tu. Kerja projek bagai. Rasa beban tu tiba tiba terasa. Hmh, nak tak nak, kena lah kan.

..Maybe sebab tu kot pointer aku tak pernah tinggi; asyik tak ikhlas nak belajar.

Sigh. Anyways. Wish me luck. Honestly, between the scale of 1 to Spongebob, im not even ready.

HAHAHA gedit gedit? Waaah im so funny i feel like dying xD

Sumpah lemau gila skill blogging aku -.-

PS: Rindu lah nak tengok Good Luck Charlie.
PPS: Sorry lah, niat nak upload gambar kat episode 'Meeting Big Brother' tu dah hilang dah. Maaf.

Meeting Big Brother #9: Almost Home

2011-09-08T23:38:00.002+08:00

(flashback)
Sept 4, 11:00 AM

Yep fellas. It's 11 in the morning. And guess where i am right now? Ding ding ding you are correct sir; i am at the Chicago O'Hare Airport! Departure is at noon i think and we are here waiting, to depart, obviously.

So. I just woke up -- no i just had my breakfast but before that, i just woke up. For the first time in my life i slept in an airport. No i mean THE airport. Haha okay nevermind.

Before we arrived here, we had a one hour flight from Des Moines, where we last saw my big brother. That's right, big brother's not here right now. He, and his awesome cute friend, sent us to the airport and bye-bye Ames. It was really sad to see big bro nearly cried when he hugged Daddy. I almost cried but, hey, im a tough girl y'know. Heh.

What else?

Oh lemme tell you what Mom, Dad, Sister#1 and Sister#2 are doing.

Mom, continue sleeping after she had her breakfast.
Dad, playing angry birds on his phone.
Sister#1, havent woke up since we arrived here.
Sister#2, also playing angry birds on Mom's GalTab.

Welp. That's about it. Please pray for our safe journey. Bye. Salam.

PS: by the time i published this, im already typing on my laptop for my final entry. Haha.
PPS: a steward winked at me on the plane and i cant stop smiling everytime i think of it. Nobody ever wink at me before. HEHE. I sound like a sore loser am i.

Meeting Big Brother #10: Final Destination

2011-09-08T17:09:00.004+08:00

Sept 8, 4:42 PM

I know im already two days late. But the moment i arrived home, i straight away climbed my super duper comfy bed and went to sleep. Yesterday my sleeping schedule also screwed up. I slept at noon and woke up at maghrib. Sumpah tak sedar. Bangun tidur, terus qada'.

And, i realized that i have another final entry when i was in Chicago that i havent publish yet. Kejap lagi lah publish.

What about my overall trip you ask? It was super fun. So fun that i still cant believe i already went to the states. And i also cant believe i went to 6 states in two weeks. That's a record!

But, i also cant believe that my brother din' was left in Ames. Hhhmm.

Anyways, i have to thank Mom and Dad for taking us to a fabulous trip to the us. Im so happy to have parents like that. I mean, two years ago, we went to Aussie. Last year to UK and this year visiting big bro in the US. I am so lucky, and grateful.

So yeah. This marks the end of my Meeting Big Brother entries. Cant believe i manage to write for 10 'episodes' (although there are some ups and downs during this vacation).
Thanks to those who read this. Sorry for the typos because i typed and published this entry using iphone so please ignore that.
If im in a good mood, i'll edit some entries that needs to be edited and maybe add some photos. Till then :)

Over and out.
PS: i realized that during our 14 hours flight to Hong Kong from Chicago, we departed at 1 pm and landed in Hong Kong at 3 pm. Cool huh. Go figure.

Meeting Big Brother #8: Raya?

2011-09-04T12:51:00.005+08:00

Sept 3, 11:44 PM

Last day in the states. We did some shopping in Iowa City. I cant imagine how much money Dad spent on every shopping we went. I felt sorry for him really. But, eveything's on sale and Dad keeps saying 'yes' so how can i resist?

I look like a bad daughter am i.

The reason i didnt update for a couple of days bcs, i dont have any interesting thing to tell. To tell you the truth, raya this year didnt happen as i expected.

What i expected:
Wake up in the morning, everybody's busy putting on new clothes. All the bujangs setting up bbq set, and all the anak daras preparing foods and all. Well in short, it's like a typical raya lah.

But in reality:
Boring.

Dont get me wrong. I dont define this 'boring' as damn boring. It's like '...eh' kinda boring. We started raya at 5 pm bcs we have to wait for the college boys and gals to finish their classes. Kat sini tak cuti tahu tak. So malaysian, kerajaan dah kasi cuti seminggu untuk raya tu, tolong ah bersyukur.

But i have to say, during the potluck (we called it potluck cuz everybody's contributed their own food. Bukan takat datang tangan kosong je), sangat best sebab i met some cute guys. Hehe.

Okay let's cut to the chase. Overall, it's awesome. If i put myself in their shoes, well it was awesome. Yeah. Because, I can feel the sense of family-ish, which is good. To be honest, celebrating raya kat negara orang, it's not as fun as you see them on the papers. Seriously, homesick weh.

But like i said, overall, best.

And so, this will end of my Ames Iowa update? Yeah. Tomorrow we'll be boarding at.. uhh, as early as possible. Dah. Nak tidur and, will update my end of 'Meeting Big Brother' entry soon. Bye.

PS: Kalau boleh aku nak angkut Abang balik sekali.

Meeting Big Brother #7: Final Road Trip

2011-08-30T12:52:00.003+08:00

(Continuous post, finale)
August 28, 5:58 PM

This time, our journey seriously took 14 hours of driving. Because we drove across Wyoming and South Dakota. Unlike the other day, we just passed by Nebraska.

This time is little bit better because we got to see the head of the four president of the United States at Mount Rushmore on our way back. At first i thought there's nothing but the four sculpted face at the mountains but after read some of their facts, i think i can apprecite it a bit.

After that, we drove la la la la la straight to Iowa. But now we are stopping at a rest area somewhere South Dakota. Dad is sleepy -- and so does everyone else. Well, im not sleepy. Im just tired. 7 hours plus stopping for berbuka, and then, fuh!, HOME!

Huah i cant wait to arrive at Kak Laila's crib! Her house is the warmest. And her family too. Big bro too cant wait to be home. He got class tomorrow. He got lots of assignments. Sigh.

Speaking if assignments, i am sooo not ready to start my 2nd year of study.

Big sigh.

PS, i realize that my writings are like totally direct translated from bahasa melayu to english. Sorry but i cant think straight due to lack of rest. So yeah.
PPS, kena tahan dengan polis at 3 am. Tak tau celah mana dorang klua tapi, hebat ah dorang! Note to self: never negotiate with the police if you got caught on the road.

Meeting Big Brother #6

2011-08-30T05:31:00.002+08:00

(Continuous Post #3)
August 28, 12:58 AM

Sighing with relief after i landed my whole body on the floor. We traveled almost around Colorado from 10am to 10pm (US time). And again, travel by car is a seriously tired thing to do. But honestly, it's effing fun!
Because, i myself cant believe i reached at the peak of Rocky Mountains, saw Balanced Rock at Garden of the Gods, saw deers, trees, snow-cap mountain, etc. It was an epic momrnt especially when i reached at the peak of the mountain. So so so cold!

One thing i learn when climbing the Rocky Mountain is that, never stepped on the nature, especially the grass. We have to walk on trails that were provided. These people here really appreciate the nature. And by mean really, i mean, REALLY really.

And then we shoot off to The Garden of Gods. It's not really a garden. It was actually a name of a place -- or town, i think. Saw the Balanced Rock. Then headed back down, then, zzzzzz.
Esok pagi, as early as 5 am, we are gonna head back to Iowa. A short time in Colorado but seriously a long last excitement.

Bye!

Meeting Big Brother #5

2011-08-30T02:24:00.002+08:00

(Continuous Post #2)
August 27, 3:59 AM

Finally, we arrived at Colorado! And, surprisingly, i havent slept yet -- for 11 straight hours. And i aint cranky. I tell ya, that frappucino i drank, really something. I saw stars, i saw dead animals, i saw factories, i saw tractors, i saw.. stars. Lots of em. I love stars. Stars are awesome.

Right now is 5 minutes to 5 am. And i have to force myself to sleep cause we have loads of place to go. So so so so so excited! Muahaha!

Ciao.

PS, I am so so so so high right now. Thanks to the most awesome frappucino. And, i bet i'll be depressed in a couple of days. Huh, hope not.

Meeting Big Brother #4: To Colorado!

2011-08-29T18:12:00.002+08:00

(Continuous Post #1)
August 26, 9:21 PM

I dont know wheather to write time in the US or in Malaysia, but since im in the US, starting from this entry, might as well record it in US time.

So.

Im so glad that Dad is now talking energetically with big brother. In the past one year, big bro is in the US and Dad had no one to talk to -- guy talk i mean. Me, i eavesdrop while listening to Eminem and Bruno Mars's The lighter on the radio. Seronok tengok Ayah berborak dengan Abang.

Haha yes, we are in the car, again, heading to Colorado. Yesterday we had a trip to Minnesota, and now we are off to Colorado, which is 11 hours of driving. Crazy right. That's why i was a bit cranky yesterday bcs i was so effing tired and i cant think straight. When my mind cant think, all i do is whine. But i felt bad that i whined on Twitter. I should enjoy myself so, my apologies.

Big bro and Mom had drove for 6 hours now. Adding another an hour and a half (or so) of break the fast, so i think we are already on the road for 7 or 8 hours on the road. Haha, again, crazy right.

I cant sleep because i had starbucks mocha frappucino. Before i typed this, i was staring with astonishment at the stars. I repeat, STARSSSSS. Subhanallah. I cant even express this. Eventhough it's just a bunch of stars, it is so beautiful. The sky is full of diamonds. Berterabur. I can see em one by one. Cantikkkk.

I wish i can snap a pic of the sky but, too bad.

Another 5 hours of flatening my butt, then we are in Colorado baby! Plus, dapat jumpa kawan Abang yang handsome. Kekeke. Ciow! (nak pergi toilet)

PS, i love you :)

Meeting Big Brother #3: Dead Journey

2011-08-26T16:41:00.002+08:00

August 26, 12:15 PM.

As for today, we went to Minnesota. There's this one place that have all the branded goods at the lowest price they can offer. And as you expected, we bought some. Jeans, crocs, bags, etc. It was literally heaven on earth especially for shopaholics.

But the worst part was, Minnesota is 3 hours far from Ames. It was like from KL to Kuantan. But when you're not familiar with the road, 3 hrs can become 6 hrs.

And much worst, we havent adjusted our time in this country. So it's lil bit hard for us to stay awake at 10 in the morning in here, but 11 at night in Malaysia. You get my point.

And it's 2 in the morning here and we havent arrived at Ames yet. And i've been staying up for 2 hrs straight to accompany my mom who is driving right now. We chat, we sing, we crap. Seriously, we did everything to stay awake.

And after 10 hours of sleep, we'll be heading to Colorado. And fyi, it's 16 hours

(entry was interrupted bcs Laila felt so annoyed writing and talking at the same time, so she stop typing. Till then)

PS: Seriously, i missed malaysia already.

Meeting Big Brother #2

2011-08-25T03:31:00.002+08:00

August 24, 4:35 AM

Actually, it's 3:35 PM in Chicago. Yes, im in Chicago. And we missed our flight due to train delay. But fortunately, there's another flight at 3:55. So right now, i am sitting in front of a USA TODAY machine, typing this -- tiredly.

Why am i tired? Because we've been running in this airport to catch our we-know-we're-gonna-missed-it-but-we-still-run-like-there's-no-tomorrow flight. Crazy huh. It's like we're in the Amazing Race.

And there might be a storm coming. I hope nothing'll happen. And then i can meet my brother! :D Des Moines, go~!

PS, these people are freaking tall! Im like a lost dwarf here. Sad..

Meeting Big Brother

2011-08-24T11:23:00.002+08:00

August 23, 6:25 PM.

That time and date above was shown on my iphone screen. I just type it back.

Hi. Assalamulaikum.

Probably now i am flying over the big blue sea. Im not really sure where exactly im at but i am on my way to see my big brother. Yes, the one who is still studying in the US. Mom is missing him so much and ended up planning to visit him. Lucky me to have a brother who studying overseas.

I am now flying on Boeing 747, my most favorite airplane. I dont know why but, i just like it so much. As i am typing this, we were already passed approximately 4 hours and still have another 10 hours, more or less.
Frankly, i am so tired of sitting for 4 hours straight.

Covering myself with blanket while listening to Maroon 5's Moves Like Jagger doesnt give much entertainment. I might direct my own movie in my head after i finish typing this. I honestly do that everytime. It's fun to create my own story. Me as the main actor and _____ as my supporting male actor. But still, that doesnt entertain me.

Oh. The day before my departure, i asked some of my friends' home address. I thought i want to give em postcards as kad raya. Dad even told me that i can have free postcards and free postage on the plane. I was
so excited!

But when i asked one of the cabin attendant for postcards, she said that that 'tradition' was long gone. I was super bummed. I was like "what will my friends say when they didnt got any from me?". I was thinking of buying some when i arrived at Ames but that might cost me quite some money. Frankly, i was so scared that they will say that im a 'big talker'. Or i have 'big mouth'.

Sigh.

Oh. They are serving snacks now. Goodbye.

PS, this entry seems a little bit kindergarten-ish, no?
PPS, the stewardess felt sorry because she cant gave me postcards so she gave me two bags of toiletries. Haha. She is so nice :)

Amazing Moment In Life

2011-08-18T20:57:00.001+08:00

I realize it's almost the end of my holiday -- my semester break. Come to think of it, i havent done much in the past few months. Honestly, i have so much to do. I even jot down some of the things that i wanna do. Like, 1) Upload a video of me playing the piano, 2) Read stuff that are related to architecture, 3) Do some sketches, 4) Play the guitar, 5) Lose some weight. In other words, i wanna do something that can gain benefits.

But, what did i do in the past 2 months? 1) Waking up so late, 2) Watching Goguma episodes on the internet, 3) Downloading a bunch of Running Man episodes, 4) Downloading some ~~korean~~ songs and unwanted software, 5) Watching Heartstrings on the internet, 6) Browsing through Youtube, 7) Watch tv (switching from channel to channel like there's no interesting thing to watch), 8) Tweeting. See? All the things i did was 'screen related', you know what i mean. Which is bad. Bad for my eye. I can barely see things now. I think i need to buy a new specs, since i misplaced the one that i had.

I know it's late to.. mourn but, ...mannnnn im speechless -.-

Looks like i have to wait for another year to do all those stuff (with benefits) that i planned earlier.

So.

I was scrolling through my tumblr dashboard a while ago and, i saw a list -- list of The Amazing Moment in Life. I read through it and i was like, 'hey, i've done some of those!' and, i thought i might scratch some of it, since i've done a few. So this is the list:

source: http://leilockheart.me

And...

Honest to God, those that i crossed, i felt it. I mean, it really feels amazing. But above all, the most amazing feeling is when i fell asleep instantly when im upset. Oh no wait, scratch that. It's not that. The best feeling is that number 5. But on second thought, the fell asleep thing was also the amazing feeling. Oh well.

But i am glad that i managed to experienced all that. I didnt even realize it until i saw this list. It got me thinking, my life isnt that crappy. In fact, it's not crappy at all. It's good. It's awesome. Super awesome. Way more awesome than Barney Stinson's. Hehe.

I really hope that i stumble upon this kind of list again -- so that i can cross out what i have done.

For some reason, this really made my day. A bit.

Influence

2011-08-16T21:25:00.000+08:00

Pernah sekali aku mention aku suka Kyle Landry. Ada. Entri zaman baru-terdedah-dengan-dunia-blogging. Ada. Aku siap mention aku nak beli piano yang dia nak jual kat eBay. Ada.

Aku suka dia sebab tangan dia besar. Jari dia panjang. Muka dia matang. Tapi sayang, dia ada jambang. Haha takde lah. But most importantly, he plays the piano. Ever since i discovered him on Youtube (i was searching for Kingdom Hearts's Passion on piano and i ended up clicking on his video), he has been my inspiration. Aku jenis malas nak keep on progress kalau tak ada yang desak. Jadi, bila aku perlukan semangat, aku tengok balik video dia. Serious, inspired terus (tapi sekejap je lah).

But there's a major consequence to all this. Everytime i watch his video, i was like "damn, why did i quit music?" or, "damn, why the hell did i take architecture? I am more to music but why i ended up in this (architecture)?". That second question really bugs me the most. Kenapa aku amek architecture? Aku suka melukis tapi kenapa amek architecture? Kenapa tak amek designing?

Aku ada sebab kenapa aku tak amek music and kenapa aku amek architecture. But i still keep questioning myself even though i already know the answer. Rasa tak puas hati tu membuak buak.

Kadang kadang ada tergerak hati nak quit architecture and start practicing and sharpen my piano skills. Lepas dah boleh baca notes and all, apply kerja kat music school or, perform kat shopping mall. I know that wont take me anywhere but, at least (i think) i will enjoy myself. Tapi, nak dapatkan approval dari Ibu Ayah tu lah paling susah. Kalau dah tak dapat berkat, buat apa-apa pun takkan jadi, so, ~~impian~~ angan-angan tu boleh jadi dalam mimpi je lah. Entah bila aku boleh ikut kata hati.

So, ni lah video yang buat aku sampai nak ubah fikiran bagai. Haih. Kuat betul pengaruh.

PS, aku siap terbayang nak duet piano-violin dengan adik aku, lepas tu perform dekat dalam shopping mall. Memang terpengaruh habis la. Dah macam kena brainwash dah aku ni.

PPS, aku nak main piano kat rumah, boleh je. Tapi at some point, bila aku practice satu lagu over and over again, aku start thinking that orang dalam rumah dah mula bosan. And because of that, i stop practicing. Plus, i dont have anyone to practice with me. Bosan sebab tak ada geng. Sebab tu jarang sangat sentuh piano.

Cerita Panjang #2

2011-08-15T23:56:00.002+08:00

Sebenarnya, aku nak cerita benda lain tapi lain yang keluar. Sebab, bila aku mula elaborate the first part, so many things came at once. So bila semua datang, semua nak tulis. Bila dah start tulis what has popped in my mind, the main idea terus hilang.

Sebab tu dah kurang tulis sekarang. Sebab bila nak cerita pasal budak A, tertulis cerita pasal benda A. Kan lain tu.

Tapi, aku suka menulis sebab bila aku tulis merapu rapu, at least, semua aku tulis tu semua untuk aku. Bila aku rasa aku nak baca balik entri lama, aku baca. Bila aku baca, aku start balik muhasabah diri and take it as my own advice. Aku suka terima advice sendiri dari terima advice orang lain. Bagi aku, advice sendiri lagi accurate. Aku accept advice orang lain tapi tu kiranya jadi sampingan je la. Err i mean, advice tambahan.
Aku dah 20. At some point, aku tiba tiba rasa matang. I mean, the way i act to myself is mature. Only i know how does that feel. And yes, at this age, i started to aware of myself -- how i look, how i dress, what shoes should i wear. Yeah, that stuff, that 'girl' stuff.

Aku paling benci bila, aku start to think what others might think of my appearance. Aku selalu try to rebel on that matter sebab aku tak suka aku macam ni. A part of me wants to look all beautiful but the other half is just like 'dont give a shit la weh'. It's like, i have double identity or, split personality.

But that's not the point. The point is that, aku dah 20, and aku dah pandai jaga diri. I mean, i started do things carefully. Im applying 'think before you act' kinda method. Also, i try to put all the positive energy in me. But, forgive me if it slipped. Im not perfect and im no God so forgive me. But yeah, nak pendek kan cerita, aku dah mula berpikir cara orang matang (though i hate being mature).

Man, frankly, im out of words. I dont think all of these even make sense.

Sebenarnya, idea ni datang sebab ada kawan aku, kawan dia since kecik kecik dulu, yang sangat rapat, hilang macam tu je. Tak contact langsung. Aku kesian tengok budak ni. Aku nak cuba berpihak kat kawan aku ni tapi, aku tak boleh jump to conclusions suka hati. Jadi, i try to be in my friend's friend's shoes (okay that came out weird). Mungkin dia ada dia punya sebab sendiri. Lepas tu, that one key word suddenly popped in my mind -- changes.

Haha tu lah datangnya idea entri ni.

Semua orang cuba berubah. Aku pun. Aku nampak je macam kurang siuman -- gelak hu ha sana sini -- but i think a lot. Tengok, kalau aku tak berubah, entri ni takkan ada punya, dah la panjang. Tapi, kalau nak berubah, jangan sampai totally berubah sampai muka pun dah tak kenal. Change is good but dont reset your whole life.

Ok dah. Seriously hilang segala main point.

Writer's note: Aku selalu bagi nasihat kat orang tapi aku sendiri buat. Contohnya, aku selalu pesan adik aku jangan malas belajar tapi aku sendiri malas belajar. Contoh kedua, aku pernah pesan kat kawan aku jangan swearing tapi, jujurnya, aku sampai sekarang swearing macam nak gila. Ada orang cakap, aku suka cakap tak serupa bikin tapi, aku give advices like that to people because you people deserves it.

Habis.

Because I Care

2011-08-14T17:35:00.003+08:00

I was bored at home and so, i browse a little bit on the internet. I clicked and clicked and clicked and clicked. And then i read read read read read and the reading -- and clicking -- goes on and on and on and on.

To be frank, i am not a goody-two-shoes but, during my school year, i never understands when people try to talk this, how should i say this, the 18sx thing. When some people make dirty jokes, i was like "huh?" and then they were all like "otak suci sangat lah kau".

What im tryna say is that, during my time, life was easy because there are no big influence from the outside. I mean, ada lah tapi, during my generation, budak semua jenis ikut kata. Plus, we are smart -- we think smart, and we have common sense.

But now, things are different. How different you ask?

Zaman dulu, budak budak tak pandai jual diri, in fact, kami pandai jual ilmu (and terima ilmu) je. Zaman dulu, kalau budak budak bergaduh, kami mengadu kat cikgu, parents or hasut kawan jangan kawan dengan budak tu (tu kira paling jahat la). Tapi zaman sekarang, kalau bergaduh, semua pakai facebook/twitter -- buat fake account semata mata nak jatuh kan budak tu.

Beza kan.

Call us losers but, at least we know what we're doing. Like, come on lah. Kau buat geng kat sekolah, buat puak kat sekolah, bukan sampai kemana pun. Habis sekolah, i swear, none of you will be together like you're used to be. By the time you enter campus life, i bet you'll experience culture shock and stressed out and probably you'll die.

Well that's the least i can think of.

I am pissed, and frustrated, and sad to see today's generation -- the way they act, the way they think, the way they talk. Im not saying that i never do sins, but at least i can think properly. Aku tahu lah beza baik dengan buruk. Ni tak, benda buruk kau sama kan dengan baik and benda baik.. jap kau penah ke nampak benda baik?

Sedih tahu. After i did those clicking and reading that i did earlier, i feel like deleting all of my social networks. The world isnt safe anymore. You cant just exposed everything publicly, you know. And, frankly, i feel so regret right now. I was like "why did i start browsing in the first place?". Sedih sebab rasa hati dah kotor sangat terdedah dengan benda macam ni. Sedih dan menyesal.

Tsk. Dunia kan..

Unneeded Habits

2011-08-10T15:36:00.001+08:00

Early morning after dawn, i judged someone. Again.

I told myself repeatedly (and now it becomes my daily mantra) "put yourself in someone else's shoes". I tried but still, i judge. Sometimes, i managed not to judge but it has to be with reasons. If there's no reason, i'll start assuming, then i'll judge. Then i'll brag bla bla bla, and not knowing what other people think.

Yes, that's me.

I just cant stop the habit, you know. It's like my daily routine to judge people by what they do. Facebook sekarang kan dah memang guna 'open to public' concept. Sebab tu lah. But now, since i learnt my today's lesson, i wont judge people ever again. I'll try to be in his/her place and.. use what ever 'what ifs' there is. I think it's better like that.

PS, im still undergoing my own rehab right now so yeah. I promise to fix myself.

Oh and by the way, Happy Ramadhan everybody.

Note to self:

Haters always hating on people because they are jealous of what you are that they dont have.

Cerita Panjang #1

2011-08-10T02:44:00.003+08:00

Masa sekolah dulu, teringin nak ada bestfriend. Bestfriend lelaki. Bagi aku, lelaki senang nak dijadikan kawan baik sebab, bagi aku, lelaki tak senang tikam kita dari belakang. Lelaki senang nak terima lawak bodoh. Lelaki, bagi aku, tak cerewet. Aku bukan jenis suka jadi feminin sangat jadi, aku lebih prefer guys than girls to be my bestfriend.

Plus, aku suka berkawan dengan lelaki sebab, masa kecik dulu, before adik perempuan aku lahir, aku hidup 4 tahun dengan abang aku. Main pun dengan abang. Even after adik aku lahir pun, aku main jugak dengan abang aku. Maybe itu kot influence aku. Yeah, maybe.

Dulu masa sekolah, aku agak tomboi tapi tak sampai tahap nak dressup jadi laki bagai. Just, aku suka panjat pokok, sorak kuat kuat bila budak kat padang bola main bola, pakai worn-out jeans and baggy tees. Tak kisah kalau rambut serabai, mata sembap, kulit kering, perut buncit. In other words, i hate feminine stuff.

Itu masa sekolah -- sekolah rendah. Bila naik sekolah menengah, im still naive. Tapi dah kurang tomboi. Sebabnya, aku jumpa kawan perempuan yang sekepala. Aku duduk sekolah asrama jadi i spent most of my life dalam dorm. Tapi, aku still tak 'perempuan' sebab kelas aku almost 98% lelaki. Sebabnya, aku masuk sekolah teknik and aku amek course mekanikal engineering.

Masa form 4, 3 perepuan termasuk aku, and masa form 5, lebih sikit laa -- 6 perempuan. Tapi sifat keperempuanan tu takde lagi sebab mungkin perempuan kat sekolah tu tak terdedah dengan fasion/feminine stuff kot. So aku pun kurang lah terdedah dengan benda macam tu.

Dulu masa sekolah, tak tahu apa apa. Rutin hari hari sama. Kalau dalam sekolah; perhimpunan pagi, masuk kelas, kacau budak budak lain, kalau cikgu tak masuk, pergi merayap kelas sebelah, waktu rehat beli makanan kat ko-op lepas tu duduk melepak dekat wakaf, kalau dah penat sangat, tidur. Kalau dalam dorm; buat duty kebersihan, singgah kat katil kawan, makan mee sedap goreng, etc. Macam tu je lah. Kiranya, sepanjang kat sekolah, memang tak pernah nak duduk diam, berfikir. Bagi aku, zaman macam tu zaman enjoy. Hahah.

Bila masuk asasi, still, aku berkawan dengan lelaki. Rapat jugak lah. Perempuan pun kawan jugak. Time masuk asasi tu pun, zaman nak mula kenal dunia. Kau jumpa macam macam orang. Beza orang kau jumpa masa sekolah dengan kau jumpa masa kau masuk universiti. Sumpah beza. Tapi alhamdulillah, orang yang aku kenal, yang masuk dalam hidup aku sampai sekarang orang yang baik baik.

Jadi, that's where my life gets a little twist.

1) I met amazing people. Dorang buat aku appreciate friendship. Aku bukan cakap masa sekolah aku tak realize semua tu, cuma, aku kurang nampak semua tu. Ye yeee, salahkan aku.

2) Then, i met someone that makes me experience what love actually feels like. It gave you that weird 'butterfly feeling'. I realize how is it like to feel appreciated. And have a person who has the same interest as you. Sumpah, that moment, rasa macam kena ketagih dadah. And that was when i knew how is it feels like to be on cloud nine.

3) I met a bunch of weird people. Malas nak sentuh sangat pasal ni sebab, isu sangat sensitif bagi dia. Dan bagi aku jugak. Mungkin time tu dia sama macam aku kot -- madly in love with someone. Tapi nasib baik aku tak macam dia. Haha.

4) Bila dah nak habis asasi, aku belajar macam macam. Apart from the academic stuff, i learn that, i was actually a selfish little bitch. All i do was right and all other people did was wrong. Aku sedar sebab ada yang tegur. Dia berani tegur sebab dia sayang aku, as a friend. Other than that, me being selfish has caused me to lose my one best-guy-friend that i was longing for since i was in elementary school. Hilang macam tu je. Lepas dah hilang kawan baik, and almost hilang kawan kawan aku yang lain, that was the time where i gave myself some time to think. Lama jugak aku pikir. Semua wh- questions keluar. Time tu aku start try ubah diri. (tapi frankly, muhasabah diri tu tak lama sebab takde orang nak guide haha).

Semua ni banyak ajar aku. Ajar dari segi... entah. Tapi ada lah dua tiga benda that makes me go "oh so that's how it is". I mean, things that make me realize the definition of life in reality. Nasib baik aku jenis suka berfikir bila duduk diam diam sendiri. Kalau tak..

Stupid-But-True Confession of Mine

2011-07-22T16:14:00.001+08:00

(Jul 19, 12:38 AM)

I realize so many things these days. ...okay i'll be straightforward.

Frankly, i've become so fond of kpop and kdrama. All sorts of 'koreans' lah. I even started to learn a bit of their language. Things like 'saranghae', 'mianhe' -- ya that. Sounds weird but yes, im starting to like this korean... thingy.

But the fact that i like them is not just about looks or appearance. Yes i admit i was attracted by their looks at first. But then, i started to wikipedia about them. Then, i search their songs on YT.

I was stunned. Seriously. Their singing skills, seriously aint a joke. And plus, that particular korean person i was "stalking" happens to be in a group. A band, as in, holding and playing music instruments and all. I was like "ingat kan korea ni tau joget joget je. Rupa rupanya..". Well, you know the rest.

The fact that these guys plays guitar and drums, i straight away fall for them. To be honest, im a sucker for guys that can play musical instruments especially the guitar. So yeah.

Oh. The stalking process involved when i was forced to watch Running Man. (Okay not by force but by curiosity). Kagum lah dengan variety show mereka. Dah tu pulak ada satu episod tu, ada pulak yang handsome. Hehe.

From that moment, i realize that they are not just typical celebrities who are chasing fame but they are celebrities with talent. Im telling you, when they sing (especially when they sing some slow/ballad song), goosebumps all over.

Woah. Dah macam pengkritik pulak ha.

Anyhow. What im tryna say is that, i realize how stupid i am to pandang rendah habis habisan to someone who are obsessed with these korean thingy. I was like, "maybe sebab ni kot dorang minat artis artis korea". Maybe lah kan but what ever the reason is, I feel horrible right now. And shame. Ahh stupid me.

I discovered so many "weird" factor during my sem break. One of em is this -- never judge a person by their interest. Why? Ha. Pikir sendiri. But seriously. Dont judge. Stop judging sebab one day, you might become like one of them (macam situasi aku sekarang ni).

Lagipun, buat apa nak judge orang. Diri sendiri tak sempurna, tapi sibuk sibuk nak menilai orang. Jangan ingat semua yang kau minat/suka tu yang paling cool. Orang lain punya interest tak cool so kau pandang rendah kat dia. Lain orang, lain minat. So stop judging people ye Miss El.

Done and... done!

PS (to simplify the fact):

Aku minat artis korea ni sebab bakat dorang -- they are multi-talented. #trufax #nuffsaid

PS (to simplify the whole point of this post):

Never judge.

[sent by mail via iPhone]

Zaman Tengok-Tengok

2011-07-01T01:09:00.000+08:00

Masa kecik dulu, before tidur, masa salam Ibu Ayah, aku selalu pesan kat Ayah,

"Ayah, nanti tengok eh".

Itu maknanya aku suruh ayah aku jenguk aku kat bilik sebelum ayah aku pergi tidur. Rindu sangat time tu. Kadang kadang, bila Ayah jenguk, aku sengaja tutup mata, tapi mulut tersengih sengih. Tak matang kan. Mengada ngada nak menggedik dengan Ayah. Bilik Abang pun ayah jenguk. Comel je.

Makin lama makin besar, hati remaja dah start memberontak.

Rutin Ayah tak pernah berhenti. Tapi hati remaja aku dah semacam tak boleh terima. Kononnya nak privasi bagai. Bila Ayah jenguk, aku menghadap depan komputer. (Dulu komputer besar gabak tu dalam bilik aku). Ayah tanya, "tak tidur lagi?". Aku dengan selamba tak pandang Ayah jawab, "jap lagi". Seronok sakan bila first time dapat guna YM lepas tu chat sampai tak ingat dunia.

Dulu aku memang kuat berontak. Lagi lagi time dah nak SPM. Peperiksaan dah dekat, pergi layan komputer, YM -- chatting dengan senior sekolah. Ibu tegur aku banyak ber-internet tapi aku buat tak tau je. Kadang kadang lawan balik. Sampai macam tu sekali aku.

Berbalik semula kepada Ayah. Ayah tak pernah jemu nak jenguk aku before tidur. Bila Ayah tanya soalan sama, aku jawab jawpan yang sama dengan gaya yang sama -- gaya selamba-tak-pandang.

Habis SPM, aku masuk UIA. Sejak tu, Ayah kurang jenguk aku before aku tidur sebab aku dah duduk asrama, balik pun jarang. Kalau aku balik rumah, Ayah jenguk la jugak tapi tak selalu lah.

And sekarang, masa aku tengah update gdoc aku (untuk kelas autocad), aku pergi toilet. Masa menjalankan 'tugas' tu, tiba tiba terpikir 'Ayah dah tak tengok dah en'. Tiba tiba benda minor macam tu terlintas kat otak. Lepas keluar toilet, terus tinggalkan gdoc, bukak blogger, start typing.

Sambil aku menaip, sambil aku pikir something. And it hit me.

'Maybe Ayah cuba nak terima slow slow yang anak dia dah besar'.

Itu je conclusion yang aku dapat setakat ni. Aku harap tu bukan one of the reason Ayah stop tengok aku. But whatever reason it is, aku still rindu zaman tengok-tengok dulu. Kalau boleh, nak pergi ke belakang dan tengok balik masa tu. And if possible, nak jugak jenguk zaman Ayah bacakan bedtime stories untuk aku. Bedtime stories Ayah sangat best sampai kena baca dua tiga buku baru betul betul mengantuk.

...Mana agaknya pergi aku yang dulu?

PS, aku dalam proses untuk berubah. Doakan yang terbaik untuk aku. InsyaAllah.

Of Twitter

2011-06-07T17:23:00.002+08:00

The previous post was May 24. Now it's June 7. I dont know what happened to me. Not that the urge of typing has gone but, got no stories to tell. Im not forgetting this blog. I never forget this piece of crap of mine. It's just, i am now easily get things over with. I mean, i easily let go of things without the help of a virtual diary. Plus, i am now having a short semester course and i am driving back and forth from home to uia and back to home again. So yeah, pretty much my life happens on the road.

Ah yes, not to forget my every-minute up-to-date status on Twitter. Maybe that is why i neglect Blogger. Figures.

Now that everyone has Twitter, it's gettin' crazy in there. And now that everyone has Twitter, i might consider making another account. I bet some of em now thinks im a grumpy 'ol lady who whines over many non-serious situations. And i bet someone might think i cant take a bad-ass joke.

Pity.

See. I am not the girl who updates on her daily life and post it on blogger. (Well, depends on the occasion la). Im not that girl anymore. I am not the girl who sobs about her love life because that's never gonna happen. Im not that girl anymore. I dont spill away details and write it like a 5000 word essay. All i need is a 140 character long to write my feelings -- and by that, i am referring to Twitter.

It's funny to read people's updates on something weird and sometimes doesnt make sense. Like "AKU NAK IPOD!" Something like that. (Well now that we know that some particular person really wants an ipod, badly). It's like, Twitter has help us -- help ME speak out my inner voice. It's up to them to read those rants or not. To speak the truth, i sometimes dont give a damn about any of those updates, i mean their updates; people who i follow. I read those updates but it never runs through my mind to say "bitch, tu pun nak kecoh. Get a life la!" Never. Because i know they'll do the same too -- they read mine and not give a damn. Hopefully.

And, tadaa! I made an entry. Bless me for still having a great mind to share. (pfft ya right). I never thought i might come to this kind of post. At first i was thinking to stop till the third paragraph.

Oh well.

And because of this, i shall name my entry 'Of Twitter (andsomeotherthingsthatdontmakesense)'. Haha bye.

Jangan Dipaksa, Penulis Ini Dah Penat

2011-05-24T21:23:00.001+08:00

Dah sampai satu tahap, aku tak tahu nak buat apa lagi dah.

Aku dah lama duduk kat satu tahap yang paling tinggi. Paling atas. Yes, that's my limit. Tapi dalam tahap paling tinggi tu, aku banyak bagi effort. Ya, aku still berusaha nak make things right. Dalam tahap teratas, ada jugak rasa nak give up, tapi aku still try. And i still am, untill now.

Susah nak 'cuba' bila kau dah at your 'limit'. Dua kombinasi yang takkan jadi.

Penulis ini dah penat okay. Penat.

"Love You, Sis", He Said

2011-05-14T22:51:00.001+08:00

Dalam diam, dia sayang adik dia yang tak terkawal ni.

Hah. Aku sendiri mengaku aku anak yang paling tak terkawal dalam keluarga. Aku yang suka rebel. Aku yang suka naik angin tak tentu pasal. Aku yang suka rasa aku yang bagus dari yang lain. I am the queen of anything, as they say.

Aku pernah marah dia sebab aku rasa aku betul dan dia salah. Padahal tu masalah dia.

"Buat pekak je telinga kalau Lela start membebel". Macam tu sekali Ibu cakap kat Abang depan aku. Sakit hati, rasa lah jugak. Tapi memang aku kuat bebel kat dia. 20 tahun aku hidup, 20 tahun tu jugak aku duk menjerit jerit kat telinga dia. 2 tahun je dia hidup tanpa bebelan aku.

Duh, kenapa cerita pasal aku membebel?

Tapi, tak terkawal pun, aku bukan jenis yang suka keluar malam. Note that.

Pagi tadi, Skype dengan dia, cakap kosong je. Selalunya, kalau ber-Skype ni, Ibu dengan Ayah je la yang rajin. Aku duduk kat tepi, dengar conversation between them. Asalkan, muka aku masuk screen, itu dah cukup.

Tapi in the end, "Okay, Ibu nak mandi, Ayah pun nak mandi, cakap dengan Lela eh". Awkward habis, sebab aku tak pernah cakap dengan dia. Frankly, aku tak pernah cakap dengan abang aku macam tu -- kira macam heart-to-heart lah. Tak, tak pernah.

Seriously, mak aku bukan jenis 'dengar masalah anak dia' macam mak kau. Everyday mesti ada cerita khas untuk mak kau, "mak, tadi kan, kat sekolah kan--" Tak ada. Kalau ada betul betul masalah, baru ada buat mother-daughter session. Sebab tu sampai sekarang aku tak reti open up kat orang, sebab aku tak dididik macam tu. Aku dididik untuk simpan masalah sendiri.

Berbalik kepada abang aku.

Kesimpulannya, sejahat mana pun aku kat Abang, dia sayang jugak adik dia. Sekuat mana bebelan aku kat Abang, dia sayang jugak kat adik dia. Sebab, kau bergaduh teruk mana pun dengan adik beradik kau, even though kau dah tanam azam tak nak cakap dengan dia selama sebulan, serious, tak sampai dua hari, kau dah start ber-oi oi dengan adik beradik kau.

Apa lahh. Ni macam nak bagi nasihat dekat orang.

Pokoknya, pertalian sesama keluarga tak kan putus.

Tu je sebenarnya nak bagitahu.

You Meant Nothing To Me

2011-05-05T04:09:00.002+08:00

I meant nothing to you.

From now on, i'll stop hoping. I know it's so hard to forget you, but i'll try.

I feel so stupid staying up all night just to talk to you.

All these days, i was fighting alone. All this time.

I promise.

I'll never be the one who starts the conversation.

I'll never set my hope way too high.

I'll never fight for this friendship ever again.

You can live your life now. I wont be in your effing way.

I meant nothing to him.

He meant nothing to me now.
Fair trade.

Im done chasing after you.

Incomplete Sentence

2011-05-04T00:19:00.002+08:00

At some point, sometimes i felt i was left out. There are reasons for that.

Mostly because of Mom. I dont blame her. It's her responsibility to take care of me.

But still, i feel so left out.

I cant join gatherings. Im the trouble maker. Im the emo-est. Im the oldest but im the most naive. Im out of their's way. Im out of his way. Im the pity taker. Im the third wheel. Im never at the center of attention (not that i wanted to but still). Im everything im not.

To sum everything up, im out of the circle.

Maybe they think im annoying.

There was one time, i tried my best to keep our friendship. And that one time, i almost gave up.

Things arent the way we used to be.

People will change.

People will tend to go to another direction.

And with that, they started their new life -- with someone else.

Like they say, 'dont keep trying when you know it's over, you'll hurt yourself'

But i never stop trying. For the sake of this friendship, i never stop trying.

I easily get bored with people but when it comes to them, i never set my limits.

One of my good friends once told me,

"when the other party wants to save something, they'll keep fighting".

Suddenly today, i realized something. She gave me an incomplete sentence.

" --but, even both of you wins, nothing will ever be the same again".

The Effort Of An Architecture Student - Final Presentation Day (2)

2011-04-26T13:07:00.003+08:00

Janji nak buat post ni right after final paper hari tu. Tapi lepas final, gerak ke Port Dickson. After balik dari Port Dickson, mood pantai tak habis lagi. Bila mood pantai dah habis, mood cuti pulak datang. Bila mood cuti dah hilang, mood tidur pulak datang. Mood tidur, habis, mood malas, datang.

So kesimpulannya, aku malas sebenarnya. Bukan malas like, "malas" tau. Ni malas as in "tak tau nak cerita apa". See how wide my vocabulary is? Lately ni pun aku dah jarang tulis post. Sebab aku dah reti kawal anger aku (i think).

Presenting, Vacation Home.

Kali ni kena buat rumah-slash-rumah percutian untuk satu keluarga... Okay tiba tiba rasa macam promoter yang nak jual rumah pulak.

Site: Sabak Bernam, dekat pantai berlumpur. Tak best sangat tempat ni sebab tak banyak advantages. Tapi, tibai je lah kan.

Well, itu sahaja, mungkin. Malas lah nak upload gambar gambar ni. Serious serious serious malas. Plus, banyak sangat semut berlegar legar dekat screen laptop. Rimas rasa!

Okay thanks, okay bye, okay jumpa lagi, okay.

PS, sorry entri sangat mengecewakan.

PS untuk Cik Edora Deon, kalau nak tengok full model/board, mai la rumah :)

The Reason That I'm Still Me

2011-04-19T18:51:00.004+08:00

God creates such person to look after one another. And God had destined me to meet that such person and by God's will, to be with that such person forever.

I know this sounds gay and a bit weird but,

She's the reason im smiling.

She's the reason i keep holding on.

She's the reason i believe in myself.

Her words inspire everybody. She appreciates every words and comments. She treasures every things given to her. She capture moments. She's a keeper because she keeps all her stuff with her.

And yes, she IS a keeper -- a friend that you can forever keep.

Kadang kadang aku rasa serba salah sebab tak dapat do the same as what she did and had done to me. Im no psychic. Aku tak reti memujuk; lagi aku memujuk, lagi buat orang tu menangis. All i know is to pity and hope for the best for her. And deep down in me, i still care.

First pic says "you're prettiest when you're happy"

And i would thank God everyday to give me such precious gift on earth.

Oh my, haha, this is so not me talking like this. Tapi mood terharu tu masih melekat kat hati. Jangan terkejut kalau kadang kadang aku jadi jiwang and gila-tak-rock-minah-ni tiba tiba. Haha.

Maryam Kirana,

The small girl with a big heart

Aku tak perlukan kawan shopping untuk bersuka ria. Aku tak perlukan kawan lepak untuk aku escape dari masalah aku. Aku tak perlukan kawan yang perlu call aku everyday just to check on me. Aku tak perlukan kawan karaoke untuk melepaskan geram. Aku tak perlukan kawan yang sanggup bagi telinga untuk dengar masalah aku. And aku tak perlukan kawan yang sanggup bagi bahu untuk pikul sebahagian daripada masalah aku.

All i need is a friend who is willing to take my hand and guide me.

And (if possible) all i need is someone who can sit next to me and do nothing.

That is all i need.

Thanks, Mkay :') Dah nak dua tahun weh. Haha :D

PS, thanks for accepting me the way i am.

February 28, 2011

El's First Trip: A Great Story To Be Told

2011-04-17T23:36:00.005+08:00

I was thinking of updating about Port Dickson that i went. Yes, sesiapa yang tak tahu, aku pergi Port Dickson 13-14 of April. Bukan, bukan. That previous post was not a fraud. It's true -- all my attempts and such. But it was a last minute call. The guys were short of cars, bla bla bla, and then "pergi je lah. Kenapa tak boleh pulak?" Oh Dad. Oh Daddy. You really are my one and only lovely Dad :)

And everything went out smoothly. Our journey had been quite hectic but what can i say, you wont feel a tiny bit of tired when you're out with your friends, especially when you're out at the beach!

Oh why i havent updating about PD yet you asked? Sebab, gambar tak dapat nak upload. Three days in a row aku try uploading those precious pictures tapi tak lepas. Tak tahu kenapa. In the end, aku dah fed up, teruih malas. Tapi tadi ada orang buat reminisce. Terus naik semangat nak update (sikit).

Oh wait, aku yang semangat reminisce.

Those things that mentioned was part of what we had done that day, after the light-graffiti-thingy. We stayed up all night playing cards. Not some poker cards. 'Some' cards. Cant quite explain. Then again, it's our game. Haha. Takpe, one day korang akan tahu jugak game tu. Pretty addictive, to say the least.

Not a single activity failed that night. We enjoyed eating and strumming and cam-whoring and singing and clapping and laughing and pranking and burying and running and staring at each other straight in the eye and the 'and' never stops. Epic.

More PD photos here

Well, that's about it. I know pictures cant tell stories, but neither are words. So, yeah. I actually havent figured out what conclusion should i make. Tak terbayang pun boleh upload banyak gambar takat ni, and, tak terbayang pun boleh sampai ke conclusion.

But, all and all, this trip was worth it. It IS worth it. I have to thank Dad especially for giving me this chance and allowing me to drive my car to Port Dickson. Mum, for being such supportive. And all those 13 people who willing to invite me to THEIR studio trip. Thanks, you guys :')

XOXO

Failure Attempts

2011-04-08T20:10:00.000+08:00

Since exams are almost over, this one studio (not my studio, but another studio) is planning on going to a trip, and have some barbecue and campfire (probably). Then, one of my mates -- who is in that studio -- invited me to join their barbecue.

At first i was like "hell yea im comin!" And then i remembered something -- Mom and Dad.

My parents are the coolest couple in the world. But when it comes to this, the first thing that comes out from their mouth is "no". Without thinking and without blinking. It's always "no". The only thing that changes their minds is..

"If there're no guys -- and by guys, i mean male, opposite sex which has deep voice, good or medium looking that can melt your heart, taller than you, masculine, et cetera et cetera -- then you may go."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So introducing, my failure attempts.

First Attempt

"Ibu, ada satu studio ni -- bukan studio Lela, studio kawan -- ada buat satu trip to Port Dickson. Nak pergi boleh?" "Ada lelaki tak?" "...ada" "No" "Awww come on! Kali ni je" "No, you know the rules" "Kali ni je. This will be my first and my last trip, with boys include" "Tanya Ayah".

"Ayah--" "No".

Status: FAIL

Second Attempt

"Ibu, bole laaa. Kali ni je" "Tanya Ayah (lagi)".

"Ayah, bole tak?" "Ok, kali ni je. Ayah nak Lela try, experience, since Lela tak penah keluar pergi trip" (Gila loser perempuan ni tak pernah pergi trip -.-) "Thanks! I promise this will be the first and last trip i've ever join!"

Status: WIN! :D

Then suddenly, Mom was like "Ibu nak jumpa kawan kawan Lela tu". Usually this isnt a big problem to me; bringing friends over is not such a big deal. But this time, it is. I mean, these people im with are from another studio and im just the 'minority'. I cant just ask them "hey, korang kena jumpa mak aku dulu, baru aku boleh ikut korang". Nu-uh. Never. Nehi. Macam tak tahu malu je.

Then, comes to the...

Third Attempt

"Ibu, studio tu bukan studio Lela. Takkan nak suruh dorang datang. Dah la ramai gila" "Tak pe la. Bawak je la" "Tapi dorang bukan studio Lela. Lela just join je dorang" "Tengok, Lela tak pernah bawak kawan kawan Lela datang rumah, jumpa Ibu. Abang selalu bawak kawan kawan dia. Ibu dah kenal semua kawan Abang" "Kali ni je" *Long pause, no answer.*

Status: FAIL

And today..

Fourth Attempt

"Ibu, kitorang pergi hari Rabu. Ibu kan kerja" "Suruh dorang datang esok" "Semua nak study la. Kan dah nak exam" "Dah tu?" Dah tu, aku give up and masuk bilik.

Status: FAILFAILFAIL AND FOREVER AND ALWAYS FAYUL!

Im not blaming them. Maybe they're just doing their job. Right? Right.

...Entah lah.

Me Vs. The Other Girls

2011-03-27T00:53:00.002+08:00

She's pretty.

Im average.

She wears nice and matching-with-dress flats.

I wear black worn out cheap crocs for 2 years.

She knows how to dress up.

I know nothing about fashion.

She usually gets more than 20 'likes'.

I usually get.. how many did i get again?

She has curves.

I have

She has straight and shiny hair -- like Rapunzel.

My hair is like.. ogre's skin?

She's likable, even though ~~some~~ all are fake.

I fake everything and no one likes it.

She tries on every weird outfits and styles, yet, still amazing.

I never try any of it, because i know nothing fits me.

She wears blouse/long skirts with cardigan.

I wear plain tee with cardigan.

She is admired by everybody -- even strangers.

I never get noticed.

She got all the response and pities when she tells her problem on any networks.
I got nothing because im @forever alone. Go figure.

She has a boyfriend.

Im.. single (But, am proud of it). Just.. saying.

She is sometimes annoying, still, people call her "comel".

Im always annoying (and loud) and people call me "dude" and "annoying".

She has haters but she has lovers.

I have haters and more haters.

She gets the guy of her dreams.

I... (making straight face)

She has everything that a normal girl wants.

I got mine too! Jangan nak riak boleh?

She can afford buying expansive stuff.

Im jealous.

I ususally dont care and dont mind any of this. But with these kind of girls around, kadang kadang rasa malu even though nak pakai baju tidur pun malu. Sebab, low standard, maybe? Im not trying to fit in or anything. Kadang kadang, self-esteem/self-confident jadi rendah. Kadang kadang sampai rasa nak renew wardrobe.

Bayangkan, kau keluar pegi mall dengan kawan kau, semua kawan kau tu pakai baju branded -- roxy, forever 21, you name it. Lepas tu, kau bejalan dengan dorang, pakai baggy tee with cardi, dengan baggy jeans. Awkward, bukan?

Sometimes, when i browse through my tumblr dashboard, i envy all those girls yang boleh pakai lawa lawa, photogenic, have commercial face (not that i want to but c'mon, siapa tak nak). Entah lah.

PS, tidak ada solusi di sini. Hanya luahan hati. Haha.

PS, this post is out of the blue. No plannings, no 'from notepads'. Serious, this, just random.

PS, tiada unsur kutuk mengutuk. Kalau terasa, baguslah. Sebab aku dah label korang as "awesome".
PS, i bet semua yang macam aku rasa benda yang sama.

The Effort Of An Architecture Student - Final Presentation Day

2011-03-24T19:12:00.001+08:00

I am proud of myself for this.

Bukan selalu aku siapkan on time. Well, 3 hours before presentation tu dah kira on time lah tu. (Kalau tak, during pin-ups pun aku dok touch up-touch up lagi). And, aku 'lebih kurang' prepared for this big moment. That's why, im proud of myself.

Bantai tetap bantai. Kritik tetap kritik. Menangis dalam toilet sampai orang lain perasan tetap menangis dalam toilet sampai orang perasan. Tapi, kali ni, semester ni, aku puas. Tapi serious, kalau aku fail (sebab aku rasa macam aku fail -- nauzubillah mintak dijauhkan!) aku nak pindah universiti. Tak pun, tukar course. Tapi, kata hati macam tidak dan takkan fail. Amin!

Dah. Itu je. Ini macam Part One la. Lagipun, aku first presenter, lecturer pun macam so-so je harsh dia, so, kurang drama lah semester ni. Portfolio Day pun belum habis lah bai! More on this later okay. Maybe after Portfolio day -- or maybe, after my final day of final exams okay. Okay. Salam.

(Credits) Photos From Here

This One Song

2011-03-18T16:57:00.003+08:00

This one song i just heard really ached my heart. I cant explain how it works but it really brought back all the things i wished and hoped for for the past couple of years. Time will heal. And time did heal. But this one song really makes me reminisce all these times -- the sad, the happy, the awkward, the pain, the vain. The past.

After working on a same thing, after doing all the similar routines, after whining about how i have no life at all - for 7 whole days - this song really makes me cry bit by bit. Counting the times that i missed, and counting the times that i have to chase.

Right now, im in a state where the stars are on the ground and the earth is upside down. In simple english, im tired. And this one nerve somewhere in me has already took over my brain. All the nos become the yeses and all the things that i try to shut down turns back on.

And again, i need to count and chase the time. Im tired of that although i know i have to do it, somehow.

But this one song, really tells me to let a person go even if the person really means a lot to you.

And i did.

"Every hello ends with a goodbye".

PS, after a long rough week, i really need a good, comfy sleep. And a hug. But mostly sleeps. Whtev.

PS, yes i know, this is effing cheesy. But i need to write something - even the slightest thing that runs through my mind.Whatev im going to sleep.

Remind Me

2011-03-06T23:13:00.001+08:00

Remind me if i forget how important you are to me. Remind me if i change and go to another direction. Remind me if i forget you. Remind me all the hours, minutes and seconds we'd spent together. Remind me of who i am. Remind me to remind you to remember everything we've been through. Remind me all the good times and the bad times happened to me -- to us.

Remind me how awful i am when im selfish. Remind me to celebrate our important days together. Remind me about January 25th 2010. Remind me about January 26th. Remind me about March 17th. Remind me about April 1st. Remind me about May 14th. Remind me about June 13th. Remind me about June 24th. Remind me about July 25th. Remind me about September 12th. Remind me about September 13th. Remind me about December 28th. Remind me that.

Remind me about the MidValley incident, the Big Apple incident and the Thai restaurant incident. Remind me about the misunderstandings. Remind me about the day i deleted you. Remind me about wee-wee ice skating. Remind me about new years eve. Remind me about Wendy's. Remind me about Old Town. Remind me about the day before i went to Australia. Remind me about all the trouble i'd caused. Remind me about 100 songs. Remind me about the giggling incident.

(Bosan dah?)

Remind me about the webcam. Remind me about the studio. Remind me about the jealousy. Remind me about the studio during fasting month in 2009. Remind me to keep all the videos and photos in my hard disc. Remind me about the peanut circus. Remind me about the stories you told me. Remind me about the carrot susu incident. Remind me about Tap Tap Revenge. Remind me about the karaoke in the studio. Oh, remind me about the guitar.

Remind me about the hang-outs after English class. Remind me about air barli. Remind me about studio LY. Remind me if i forget how we met. Remind me about the first day we met. Remind me the first day you talked to me. Remind me about the first video we made. Remind me about the day you made me cry. Remind me the day i slept in your room. Remind me about 'A Walk To Remember'. Remind me about twitter. Remind me about formspring.

Remind me all the whats, the whens, the whos, the whys, the wheres.

Remind me to hug you.

Okay lucky you, im out of reminds.

I suck when it comes to remembering dates, and events. That's why i made this reminder. But, slap me hard if i forget your name. That's unforgivable. Oh, three words; i love you. (But you guys are in second place. First are my family. Sorry about that).

Sweet And Smokey Mistake

2011-02-20T11:24:00.002+08:00

I once heard this one advice, telling people to go for mistakes. I cant quite recall kat mana aku dengar but that's what i remember. Then after a long day without sleeping.. Wait, nak cerita something.

I woke up really early last Thursday, brainstorming for my upcoming crit session on the next day. So blabity-blobity-boo, aku tak tidur that whole day till the next day. So when i dont sleep for more than 24 hours, i get a bit cranky, weird and i talk nonsense all day. It's as if im drunk, but without the alcohol.

Then, on my way back to my room, after a long day without sleeping, -- okay this is where the story starts -- as i walked along the road with my eyes half open, humming some of Kesha's songs, suddenly i smell something smokey -- it's a cigarette. But this aint an ordinary smell of a cigar. It's sweet. Sangat manis bau dia. Bau dia macam bau orang yang sangat handsome tengah hisap rokok in a very very cool way.

And then, something stupid came in to my mind, "nak hisap rokok lah". And i am dead serious.

Bila sampai bilik, aku terus start packing untuk nak balik rumah. And it got me thinking again, "why not listing some things that might or might not be a mistake, and try it out". Because you never know what will happen if you didnt try something out. What if that something that you think is a mistake is never a mistake? Tak rasa rugi ke?

Tapi the idea of me smoking tu dah terang terang lah the biggest mistake. Just, curious. Besides, mom has already given me the green light if i intend to try smoking. But of course, kena smoke depan dia lah. Which is fine by me. Aku dah terbayang bayang dah my first smoking experience, recorded on tape, coughing and giggling and throwing the cigar on the ground and yell "rasa macam tahi!" Macam seronok, bukan?

Dapat buat atas rooftop pun best kan :)

Sumpahan

2011-02-10T23:17:00.001+08:00

"No boys are allowed to ride this car". And that is when the curse of the viva starts.

Sejak aku ada kereta ni, aku tak pernah bagi any guys tumpang kereta aku. Tapi kalau around uia pernah la -- hantar balik mahallah, pergi kuliyyah. Dah satu jalan kan. The only time aku pernah bawak guys keluar uia is the day when me and my groupmates dah terdesak nak pergi artshop. But time tu aku call mak aku. Kira macam mintak izin la.

Tapi semalam, i broke the most cursing rule my mom has ever made. That, 'no boys are allowed' rule. Yes, that was Mom's. She invented the rule. Benda ni start sejak Abang buat kes dulu -- kes dia dengan 'kereta' dia. Skipping my brother's incident, yadda yadda yadda, and finally that 'curse' dah diturunkan dekat aku and yes, as you all figured it out, me and my car has been curse.

Ok so blah blah blah, bawak keluar some guys (and a girl) pergi Subway, blah blah blah, end of story.

Now this is when it happened. I was on my way back to my friends' room and it was raining. Time tu tengah nak cari parking tapi tak ada. So, aku pergi naik atas curb and park dekat situ. Bila aku naik atas curb tu, tiba-tiba bahagian bawah kereta aku terseret dengan simen kat bukit tu. I was (suddenly) so panicked and instead of stepping the break pedal, aku pergi tekan pedal minyak then BAM!, langgar kereta depan. Tadaaa!

Shit hell, aku tergamam kot! I reversed the car a little bit, set the gear to P, tengah-tengah hujan lebat gila tu aku turun kereta, cek kereta depan. Holly shit, sumpah, kereta tu, sikit pun tak kemek! Calar sikit la but still, TAK KEMEK! Kereta import kan. Aku cek kereta aku, kemek plus terkopak sikit tepi kereta tu. Kereta Malaysia kan. Tadaaa!

And that very moment, my mom's voice echoed in my ear; "No boys are allowed to ride this car".

Jadi, paham kan apa yang aku cuba nak sampaikan? Jangan ingkar arahan mak. Because every word and every sentence she says -- even the simplest words and the simplest sentence -- is her doa. Dan doa seorang ibu sangat senang dimakbulkan. Jadi, paham paham la ye.

Oh ya lagi satu. Bila nak keluar pergi mana-mana, bagitahu parents. Bukan susah kan?

PS, tiada watak dalam cerita ini cedera atau mati terkejut. Harap maklum.

The Heart Of A Sister

2011-02-03T12:56:00.001+08:00

Pukul 7.30 dah kena kejut dengan my mom. "Bangun bangun!" -- Ingatkan dia suruh bangun sebab dah over 7.30 pastu dia sambung -- "nak skype dengan abang tak?" At first macam malas gila nak celik mata, jalan sampai bilik Ibu. Tapi bila pikir balik, bukan selalu skype dengan Abang. So, merangkak lah aku sampai ke bilik Ibu.

Bila aku nampak cermin tingkap belakang tu baru aku betul betul sedar dari tidur. "Abang! Angkat laptop! Nak tengok luar tingkap belakang tu!" But that wasnt the 'house window'. "Belakang tu bilik. Jap." Then he turned his laptop, nampak outdoor punya view. As white as snow -- well, memang tengah snow pun. In fact, tengah blizzard kat sana. So, dia cuti hari ini. Bestnya.

"Abang, senyum senyum! Nak amek gamba"

Aku tak ada benda sangat nak cakap dengan Abang. All i know is, "Abang, kalau tengah sale kat Iowa tu, tengok tengok kan lah iPod eh". Bukan apa, the thing is, everything is cheaper kalau nak bandingkan dengan harga Malaysia. Tapi kalau calculate balik, sama je sebenarnya. For example; iPod 32GB kat sini is about RM 800+. Kat US, iPod 32GB is $200+. So lebih kurang la. Cuma yang beza dia, bila kau bayar barang kat sana, as if kau keluarkan duit RM 200 instead of RM 800. Paham?

(I still craved for that freaking thin iPod touch, y'know. Dia siap dah beli laptop and an iPhone 4).

Bila dia tak ada kat rumah, baru aku rasa nak appreciate him more. He even been mentioned in other people's conversation -- Ariff itu, Ariff ini. Senior dekat UIA pun ada kenal dia masa high school dulu. "Abang kau, kalau bola je, dia orang first yang turun padang". Aku dengan bangganya cakap, "dia memang. Kat rumah kalau petang petang pun macam tu". Ok so, jawapan tak ada lah bangga sangat tapi agak bangga la ada orang kenal dia, even dia dah pergi jauh.

After dia pergi tu pun, my mom ade cerita dalam kereta, "Ada kawan dia Facebook dengan Ibu, 'Aunty, aunty doakan la saya so that saya boleh belajar overseas macam anak aunty. Dia selalu tolong saya dengan English'." I was like, seriously? Serta merta pandangan buruk aku kat abang aku sebelum ini hilang. Yes, well, dia memang selekeh, degil at some times tapi, that's his individual attitude. Baru aku terasa aku tak ada lah baik dan bagus mana, banding dia.

Sangat kontra -- the brother is the goody two shoes and the sister is some sort of a "party animal" but in a good way la. Im not a party animal. Itu cuma metafora.

Habis sudah bebelan pasal Abang. Sebenarnya nak bagitahu yang aku rindu Abang tapi boleh pulak terpesong cerita. This as if to show that i L-word him and how i am proud to be his sister.

Hm, lebih kurang la.

With People Like These, Who Needs People Like You

2011-01-31T13:01:00.000+08:00

Over 167+ birthday wishes received.

20 texts received.

Wishes from roommates and neighbor next door.

Almost a whole class sang me birthday song.

Got two slices of cakes from close friends.

Sweet escape between classes to Wangsa Walk with close friends.

Got a large bucket of popcorn from 'Putih'.

Took some photos with close friends.

Got a hug from best friend.

Overall, clean birthday.

Thank you so much everyone :)

Bye January. A bit of frustrating over some things but i think i can handle it :')

My (Maybe) Second Last Entry Before I Turn Freaking 20

2011-01-21T12:59:00.002+08:00

Skipped studio. Class. Whatever.

Random #1

Honestly, my english is bad.

Random #2

People easily change in a split second. Ok no, maybe after 24 hours. The moment you say to them "you're a good friend, you're such a nice fella, bla bla bla" then after a day, they're like a different person and go like a total biatch in front of you. Just saying.

Random #3

I dont play by the rules forgive and forget. I play forgive and just ignore.

Ramdom #4

Im starting to feel that enrolling in the architecture school is not such a bad idea after all. I mean like, maybe there's a bit/a lot of pressure here and there but, what the heck. Some people can still fooling around with their friends, making weird memories, making outs, has a girlfriend, telling stories to his kids on how he met their mother, but still can be a successful architect. But then again, semua kerja susah so might as well have to hang on to it. Kan?

*Random #5

I learn something that, even your friend is a total badass, a bitch (well sometimes, but referring to Random #2, that thing, gotta go) or annoys you more than pleases you, stick with them no matter what. Bukan suruh berkawan dengan orang yang jahat gila sampai kalah syaiton-syaiton kat atas tu. I meant accept their flaws and crazy behavior no matter what. Sebab along that way, you might learn something. Or better yet, you might gain something. Takkan kau nak berkawan dengan orang yang ada halo atas kepala dia 24/7. Seriously, kawan dengan orang baik, bosan.

Aku cakap macam itu sebab aku ada beberapa kawan yang macam itu. And i like it.

*Random #6

In other words (referring to Random #5), dont be picky and judgy bila cari kawan. In another words, be universal. And by universal means go with the flow; you met someone, you befriend with someone. Kalau nak bergeng-geng ni, ugh, not my type.

Random #7

I actually have so many random things to share but after i saw the date on my desktop, i freaked out. Who would've known that it's already 21st of January!? Pause, world. Pause! Ugh groddammit!

Seriously, this is freaking random. I woke up, turn on the computer and start posting without thinking. And now, i am wide awake and hoping that everything i typed slightly can make people think -- or for me to think. Adios muchachos!

( * ) Terms and conditions apply / Subject to change

Two Loving Angels

2011-01-12T14:21:00.000+08:00

Quick post. High temperature fever. Probably denggi. Explain later.

Because of an undone assignments, i have to get my butt up and start typing nonsense for the Environmental Science and Systems report. After 7 hours of typing, open facebook, skimming news feed, found this:

I dont know which one should i love more; Khairummin or Eza? Wait, what was i thinking? I love them both!

PS, thanks Kumin. And sorry tak balas message. Nanti aku cerita everything.

PS, Mum, thanks. Well, you know i love you :)

PS, FYI, im still in a wobbly state of mind. Im posting this for the sake of these two angels that never stop loving me.

Bye.

Told you it was a quick post.

Eggs And Cakes

2011-01-04T22:38:00.005+08:00

January 3rd, 2011.

My first activity with these bunch of banana heads on early 2011 -- celebrating Yea's 19th birthday.

I was half alive when this happened. In other words, during that morning i had a presentation day for the second minor project and i haven't slept properly for days and after that, during night, we have to prepare some things for Yea's surprise birthday party.

But, i had fun. Seriously, i, had, fun.

Preparing the bbq set, making his cheesy-but-meaningful birthday card, throwing egg and flour, laughing, giggling, making fool of ourselves -- that's tradition. Except for the bbq thing. That was Khairummin's idea. Actually, all of this was her idea. So, big applause for her.

What else?

Ah yes. The 'family photo' time. We didnt took as many photos because of the dark. Yes, the place was and always dark but, at least we captured some. I really miss family photos since last January. But, this year's not bad. Lots of laughing -- and i like laughing. Especially with them.

Cant really express myself in this post especially when there's an event consist of US. Words cant describe it. Lord knows how happy i was even though my shirt got stained by cream thrown by Adib. Haha. But seriously, FUN and AWESOME is the only word i can think of right now.

End of report.

Editor's note: Sorry but apparently i've been told that the bbq was Buu's idea and the place was Adib's idea so, yeah. Sorry Buu. Sorry Adib. But, Khairummin and Maryam Kirana's idea wasnt so bad either. They are the bomb :)

What Happens In 2010 Stays In 2010

2010-12-31T23:30:00.003+08:00

Since i hate making new year resolutions, i'll sum up every memories that i had in 2010. Some i already did in twitter (using the hash tag -- #2010was). S'okay, i scribble em down here. Randomly.

Here i go.

2010 was the most hectic year in my life. And probably will continue forever.

2010 was the year i fell in love and fell out of love.

2010 was the first year i went overseas -- twice!

2010 was the year i made an enemy.

2010 was the year i've been stabbed by my own friend.

2010 was the year i cried a lot because of love, friendship and works/assignments.

2010 was the year i fell in love with my own friend. Well, who doesnt? :)

2010 was the year i made my last list of resolutions. Let's make 2011's a secret.

2010 was the year i had a piano-guitar duet with Yea during the Annual Grand Dinner.

2010 was the year i almost lost Maryam Kirana and Khairummin Alfisyahr. But we're still best friends because i know they love me. And i love them more.

2010 was the year i had a sleepover at Anis Hasrini's room at Asma.

2010 was the year i had a sleepover at Maryam and Kumin's room during CFS.

2010 was the year i had a sleepover at Khairi's and Nia's room during CFS.

2010 was the year my only brother went to overseas to further his studies.

2010 was the year Dad scolded me because i told him i wanna quite architecture.

2010 was the year i love my parents more than anything else! And the love never stops!

2010 was the year i met the cutest couple ever -- Rapunzel and Eugene "Flynn Rider" Fitzherbert in Tangled :D

2010 was the first year i get to hear 100 songs played and sang by a guy during New Year.

2010 was the first time and first year i had a best guy friend.

2010 was the year i had my own Cinderella story.

2010 was the year i had the most unforgettable birthday bash!

2010 was the first time i talked on the phone almost all night with a guy and end up asleep unconsciously.

2010 was the year i befriend with the coolest kid in the block -- Aresha Suraya :D

2010 was ok and not ok.

2010 was the year i start to experience all ups and down.

2010 was the year i befriend with someone is perfect. To me, she's perfect :)

2010 was the year i know the meaning of friendship.

2010 was the year i first ate sambal belacan :D

2010 was the year i knew that "Aiskrim Goreng" does exist!

2010 was the year i lost a friend, literally. She moved to another college. Miss her.

2010 was the year i own a car -- my own car!

2010 was the year i feel like punching someone in the face.

2010 was the year i become a freshie in degree at IIUM. Tough year :/

2010 was nothing but so-so.

There's more where that came from but i think i should stop here. I cant recall everything i did, everything i've done. There are so many things happen during this whole 360 days. Im no memory card nor a hard disc. Im just normal. But above all, 2010 was indescribably awesome.

And whatever happens in 2010, stays neatly in 2010.

PS, goodbye 2010 :)

Four Girls And A Guy

2010-12-29T21:31:00.002+08:00

Yes. There'll be four girls and a guy left at home, but since im staying at hostel, so there's three girls and a guy left at home. Big bro is on his way to Iowa. So, yeah. Hope Aiyna doesnt go to any boarding school (bukan doa eh). If so, Mum will be staying with Hannah and Dad. But if Dad's not home, that'll leave Mum and Hannah.

Wow.

Rindunya zaman kecik-kecik dulu. Semua ada kat rumah.

Meet Ariff Hamzah -- future aeronautical engineer.

That guy on his left is his best friend since 9 y/o. Wish i have a best friend like that :)

From left; Mr Muhamad, Hannah Muhamad, Ariff Muhamad,
Mrs Muhamad, Aiyna Muhamad and Lyla Muhamad

A hug from Dad,

from Mum,

And from me ♥ :) (Duhhh, wrong expression -.-)

Bye Abang. Take care. And dont forget my 32GB iPod touch! :D

Part-Time Beggar

2010-12-28T02:21:00.001+08:00

Pengalaman aku.

Minggu lepas aku keep on nagging on twitter bila dapat tahu Aiyna (mungkin/akan) dapat Blackberry. I was like "shit not fair" bla bla bla nag nag nag.

Then, serta merta Allah tarik nikmat aku.

Last week, duit untuk makan, minum, masuk toilet kat Mid Valley Megamall semua tak ada. Bila bukak wallet -- i prefer wallet than purse, whatever -- duit tak ada. Masa tu, Allah je tahu macam mana aku rasa/pikir. Macam mana nak makan? Macam mana nak beli barang-barang dekat art shop? Even nak minum pun aku rasa "terpaksa minum longkang ke?" Tragik kan.

Alhamdulillah Allah kasi sikit pertolongan. One of my good friends, Atirah Rosmadi had lend me RM20 for my three days meal. Dah berapa kali aku refuse but she was like "s'okay. Guna dulu, then minggu depan Lela bayar la balik". I know 20 aint enough for three days but it's better than nothing, yes? Sumpah aku nak menangis tergolek golek kat kaki dia masa tu tapi, control lah babe. Haha. But seriously, im so grateful.

Tapi semua nikmat tu bukan habis sampai Jumaat lepas je. Aku kena lagi hari ni.

Aku tak bawak towel untuk mandi. Okay, i know, i know. This is fucking lame. Tapi cuba sekali jalan dalam kasut aku. Macam mana nak mandi? Macam mana nak mandi? Macam mana nak mandi?

Nak pinjam orang memang malu sebab benda sumpah paling lame! But then im taking the risk. Aku tanya roommate aku, tak ada. Tanya Aresha dan Hasienah, tak ada. Tanya Atirah Rosmadi, tak ada. Then i called Anis Hasrini, ada! Legaaaaaaaa! I quickly packed my bags, took some kurungs for tomorrow's class -- because im gonna stay for the night there -- then shoot off to Anis's room.

So. See what i mean?

Sekaya mana kau, sebanyak mana bag vintage kau ada, sebanyak mana kasut kau ada, satu hari nanti mesti nikmat kau kena tarik (takada kaitan). Tapi aku dah sedar. Aku sedar aku tak patut jealous dengan benda benda yang remeh temeh. Aku ada kereta, jadi kenapa perlu jealous? Aku dah ada semua yang aku nak, kenapa perlu jealous dengan sebijik Blackberry yang macam tak ada function melainkan keypad macam keyboard? Lainlah kalau Aiyna dapat iPhone.

Kidding.

Jadi lepas ni, kalau nak jealous-jealous dengan orang, buat self-reflect dulu. Kalau kau jealous dengan sorang budak perempuan yang flawless, hidung mancung, muka cantik gila sampai dia jalan kat Kaed, semua lelaki pandang, sebelum nak jealous tu, tengok balik diri. Kau cacat tak? Tak kan. Kau hodoh tak? Kalau kau rasa kau hodoh, tengok hati kau. Kalau tak hodoh, maknanya kau lagi cantik dari perempuan yang flawless tu.

Paham?

Conclusion, one word: bersyukur.

PS, Happy 19th birthday to Ahmad Faris Ismail. Hadiah kau, nanti aku bagi :)

Between Hopes And Wishes

2010-12-25T20:11:00.004+08:00

Maybe, just maybe, i could have another 100 songs to cheer me up during New Year.

Well, i can wish, can i?

Christmas is today, New Year's coming up soon.

For some reason, im not scared -- im nervous.

I hope the concept-seeking and model-making and board-designing for my "multi-functional space for bedroom and toilet" project would distract me from remembering any of this. That is my one and only pain killer.

I hate to play "one part of me" but unfortunately, one part of me ~~hoping~~ wishing for another last 100 songs during New Year but another part of me hoping that my projects would distract me from remembering any of this event. See how i hate playing "one part of me"? -- yes, it's torturing.

Silly of me to wish at first then refusing at the end. So confusing.

There's more to learn, Lyla. There's more to learn.

Lettering Aku Bagus Apa

2010-12-20T23:45:00.001+08:00

Click to enlarge

This whole "type your name" thing was Aiyna's idea. I copied from her status on Facebook. Then i got comments from Mum and my last semester's Architectural Design lecturer. (PS, D. K. C stands for D. K. Ching. Some famous book writer for architecture). Haih, bro, lettering saya hebat lebat pom pom pow tau! Nak buat tutup mata pun boleh. (snorts) Heh.

This entry is out of boredom. Tak ada apa apa menarik pun.

Jangan Sebab Muka Kalian Kata Sombong

2010-12-15T22:58:00.004+08:00

Asyik berbahasa Inggeris sahaja. Mahu guna Bahasa Melayu baku pula lah.

Sebenarnya, saya tak puas hati bila dikatakan sombong durhaka. Saya bukan durhaka mahupun sombong. Saya tidak berniat untuk bermuka sombong di khalayak ramai. Allah yang Maha Esa sudah takdirkan muka ku punyai mata yang sembap dan mata bulat tapi kuyu. Mungkin itu menjadikan saya seolah-olah sombong. Tapi saya tidak.

Kalau kalian bertanya kawan-kawan rapat saya (terutama kawan sekolah saya), saya baik. Bukan baik seperti bidadari tapi baik seperti manusia biasa. Sekurang-kurangnya saya baik juga lah. Tapi perhatian, saya boleh jadi jahat, lebih sombong durhaka durjana dari anda sangkakan jika saya ditikam seperti pencuri menikam mangsanya dari belakang semata-mata mahu benda yang diinginkan.

Kalian faham bukan?

Saya pemalu. Jujur, saya pemalu. Susah nak bergaul dengan orang sekeliling. Saya bukan artis untuk bertegur siapa di mana jua saya berada. Mahupun saya bukan perdana menteri. Tapi selepas dua atau tiga minggu, saya boleh lah juga "fit in" dengan manusia hipokrit sekeliling.

Kalau saya berjalan, saya kerap kali pandang bawah kerana, 1) saya mahu berhati-hati takut saya terpijak tahi anjing atau kucing, 2) kaki saya cantik, 3) saya rabun, takut kalau orang tegur, masih tidak nampak muka mereka, saya juga yang malu dan 4) kalau saya berjalan, saya tidak suka tengok wajah orang sekeliling kerana rujuk 3.

Dah. Puas hati kau?

Standing On My Own Feet

2010-12-13T23:38:00.000+08:00

Hello there.

Im suppose to make some research on material slash architect thing for Architectural Design. Yes, my second semester has started and im.. stoned.

Kidding.

And so suppose im doing things for that material thing, which im not. And i end up typing this while watching and frowning to the television. Not that im nuts. It's just, there's this show, talking about vampires. A tv series, talking about vampires. Wow. Vampires are so popular these days.

I wonder if i be one of em? Naaaaah.

Now,

credit to this little blog

Getting a couple of unexpected things today.

Should i play along?

Should i question the intention?

Should i even ask?

Got so many things stuck in my head (other than my own brain and worrying the things that im suppose to do right now). Im scared of moving a step forward. Im scared i might make another silly mistake. Im afraid my ego controlled me. Im afraid my curiosity overcome me. Im afraid i cant think straight. Im afraid if im wrong again.

Take it from me, i swear not many people will ask me "are you okay? Need my help?" (if there still are, im very grateful). But, im fine thank you. Im not pushing away offers. I feel like i should rely on myself from now. Dont want to be a trouble to anyone. Im following my own path now. I'll try to follow and grab and swallow anything and everything that's in my way. I have to be mature.

credit to This little blog

But if and only if one day, i fall really hard, please -- im begging you -- catch me.

New Determination: Making Poker Face

2010-12-12T01:57:00.000+08:00

As said in my twitter, yes, i give 1735 out of 10 for that Tangled movie. Too exaggerate? Naaah. Oh Disney, you never let me down. Make more fairy-tale animation movies will ya? Thanks!

No i am not gonna make any movie reviews because i might spoiled it. Tak best la kan?

Well. One month has passed. Back to the boring 'ol UIA.

Kemas barang? Belum.

Prepared mentally/physically? Nope.

Ready to face the "mean" world? Not even a slightest yes.

More drama perhaps? Yes.

More misunderstoods? Yes.

More back stabbing? Yes.

This typography has to do with this entry. If you know me well, you know it. But then again, no one knows me better than i am so better i keep my lips shut. Shut 'em tight and keep making the poker face.

Bye.

So, The Jet Lag Thing Does Exist Huh

2010-12-09T18:45:00.001+08:00

Correction from previous entry. My blog has never been a thoughts or sarcasm kinda blog. It always been about myself. Means, im selfish.

Hi.

Great intro eh? Anyways. Malaysia really didnt greet us well when we land at 5 this morning. It was raining heavily. Well, not im blaming the weather. Just, being poetic.

Pssh. What's up with that?

Anyway, i've been doing a minor-hibernate for 5 hours due to the uh, jet lag and i am doing great. Not as great because my spine is still sore. But what the heck. Dapat tidur atas bantal empuk, balut badan dengan duvet, peluk kucing kesayangan, that's more than enough.

Seriously, jet lag is awful. You suffer from hallucination. You talk in your sleep. Your body weakens you feel like rolling rather than walking. You talk more crap but you're too lazy to answer people's questions. Takde lah awful sangat tapi siapa yang kena tu tahu lah macam mana awful dia tu.

Like this morning. I thought Dad was entering my room a land himself on my bed. Then i blabber something stupid. (And actually i want to distract him from asking about my results). After i've done blabbering, he didnt reply an "emmm". I turn around, he wasnt there. Weird.

Then another one, i talk in my half-sleep. Like, i was half asleep then suddenly i yelled "BUSUK!". Then i open my eyes and giggled to myself and get back to sleep. Tu lagi bodoh.

Oh, speaking of results, Dad's not happy about it. Mum was asking "dah cek result? Abang dapat 3.5. Tu pun dia main main lagi. Kalau dia buat betul betul confirm dapat 4 flat". I was like whaaaat?. Dia main main pun dapat 3.5, aku main main dapat..

Ok but the main thing is, Dad's furious. Sigh.

Good thing i didnt fail a subject. Alhamdulillah.

Bye London. It was nice seeing you. You really greet us well. Unlike Malaysia.

London Bridge Never Falls Down

2010-12-07T04:47:00.001+08:00

Bukak facebook 2 minit, ternampak pulak status orang "alhamdulillah result okay".

Okaaaaaay. Dah 7 disember.

Aku tahu aku punya confirm kantoi. Tunggu balik Malaysia baru cek.

Hello. Im back in London. Semalam baru sampai sini dari South Hampton. London - South Hampton - France - South Hampton - London. (FUHHH!). Penat lah jalan. Esok last day berjalan jalan lawat Big Ben dan London Bridge. And then the next day, i'll be leaving on a Boeing dot dot dot, depart at 8 in the morning and hopefully be landing at 9. 13 hours of flight. Yeah.

Souvenirs semua dah beli. But unfortunately, "barang" yang Aresha dan Naqib nak sangat rare untuk dicari so, yeah. Aku bagi benda lain eh? Haha.

Kat sini there's this one restaurant -- Malaysian restaurant called Malaysian Hall. Pergh lagi sedap dari makanan kat Malaysia. Sungguh! Tak tipu! I took a photo or two tapi tak transfer lagi gambar kat laptop so nanti lah. Upload kat Facebook lah kot nanti. Maybe. Dah malas lah nak melayan Facebook lately.

Kenapa sekarang aku dah banyak tulis hal personal dari hal... masalah?

Aku jarang lah/dah lama tak tulis entri macam ni. Macam diary zaman dulu -- diary yang tulis dalam buku. Bukan "IT diary". I mean like "hari ni aku pergi situ. Makan nasi ayam. Sedap gila. Lepas tu aku makan satay pulak. Dah kenyang gila babi, berak pulak. Lepas tu jalan jalan dekat dot dot dot". Selalunya aku tulis something like thoughts or self-satisfaction or something like sarcasm? I dont know. Ok abaikan. Bukan semua boleh paham apa aku tulis kan? Selalu kena wrong interpretation. Ah abaikan. Emo pulak.

Ah kabut lah entri ni. Ni rindu Malaysia punya pasal lah ni! Bye.

PS, okay Lyla, satu confusion dah datang. Handle it WELL.

Hope This Wasnt My Worst December

2010-12-01T14:10:00.004+08:00

Dekat sini lambat 8 jam dengan masa kat Malaysia. So bila semua orang tengah sibuk sibuk cakap "bye November, hi December" or "back to december", aku pun macam "oh dah December? Ok nak buat status baru. Oh wait, lagi 3 jam nak masuk december first. Ok aku tunggu".

Macam tu lah.

Tapi sekarang dah masuk december so, ...

Aku takut. Bukan takut sejarah nak berulang. Tapi takut kenangan datang. Tapi dah datang dah pun so, get ready la Lyla sebab segala benda datang satu satu dekat kau. Control everything along your way and, dont get distracted by something that meant something to you.

Wosh. Bagi nasihat kat diri sendiri? So lame.

Gosh reminiscing these stuff makes me look more pathetic. Ok lets move to something more interesting.

Ok i dont have any. Nak cerita keadaan kat sini tapi masa dah tak ada. Sekarang dah pukul 6 pagi, baru lepas breakfast and lepas ni nak kemas-kemas and heading to South Hampton (tempat lahir Joe Brooks!) and stay at my mum's nephew's crib. Means, my cousin? Entah. Aku tak pernah jumpa dia ni. Then afterwards gerak ke Paris (Aresha jangan jealous! :D) andddd wala! balik Malaysia.

Keciknya aku =.=

Hello Manchester!

2010-11-29T15:44:00.000+08:00

Anyone would be as excited as i am when stepping on white powder -- freezing white powder.

Hi. Am at Manchester right now. Good thing ada free wi-fi kat sini. Boleh lah update a bit here and there.

Tak salji pun kat sini. Certain part je yang kena. Tapi tempat aku stay sekarang ni maybe snowy another couple of days. Sebab kat sini pun dah -1 celcius. Freaking cold. Mungkin demam tak lama lagi. Hidung kering. Tahi hidung pun kering. Senang gila nak korek. Korek korek korek, jumpa, jentik. Tak payah nak selit mana-mana.

What the hell?

But the best thing is, i can play with my breath! You know, when we breathe, that smoke thingy come out from our mouth. Breath. Smoke... thingy. Ah you get the point. Benda tu lah benda pertama yang aku nak buat bila aku sampai sini. And, i did it! Success! Haha.

Im so excited i cant even write properly haha. Gotta go. It's 7 in the morning here (kat Malaysia dah 3 petang kan?) Wickeddddddd. Haha. Right. Im out. Bye! Nak mandi.

Of Beanbags And Boredom

2010-11-24T21:58:00.000+08:00

That's me, "working out" on my favourite beanbag.

And i just realize, it's been 3 weeks now after my last day of end of sem exams. 3 weeks, people and i havent done nothing extraordinary except washing dishes, punching buttons on washing machines, running some errands, play the piano, folding clothes, feed the fishes, feed the cat, et cetera. Nampak macam pack but honestly, tak pun. I've been doing all this chores because my Bibik is gone so, i became one.

Sebab tu lah tak sempat nak blog. Busy. (As if).

So, long story, make it short. My new addiction-slash-self distraction is downloading-slash-watching The Vampire Diaries series. Now, waiting for season 2 episode 10 to come out so im out of new-addiction-slash-self-distraction. And now, im back to remember-slash-mourn about ____. End of story.

Another short story, make it shorter, Mum has her new toy: iPhone 4. Yeah.

You know, there's a big differ between A) having a normal conversation to the one that you really care about and B) (for some reason you have to) ignore the person that you're longing to talk to. If you're in A, you are one lucky person. Cherish it or you'll regret it. But if you're in B, well, welcome to my world.

PS, aku bukan cepat lupa kawan. Just, aku rasa jauh. Dekat tapi jauh.

PS, in other words, im isolating myself. "Isolation, it's so good for me" -Lemon Tree :)

PS, kat England dah minus one. And snowing!

Another Way To Kill Boredom

2010-11-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

This girl, super awesome.

I'm not kidding right? Yeahhh. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, my, God.

Bye.

Teenage Dream (I Was Tagged)

2010-11-13T13:37:00.002+08:00

Nak bayar hutang.

Rules:

Put your music library on shuffle.
For each Q, press next for answers.
You must write song title as the answer.
Ready, set, go!

If someone says 'is this okay', you say? - If I Had You

How would you best describe your personality? - Ignorance (Heh, naaayyyceeee)

What do you like in a guy? - Fixed At Zero

How do you feel today? - It Was Only Just A Dream

What is your life purpose? - Stay

What is your motto? - Uprising

What do you think of your parents? - Alejandro (..the hell!?)

What do you think about very often? - To Zanarkand, piano cover.

What is 2+2? - Dear Maria, Count Me In

What do you think of your best friend? - Something New

What do you think the person you like? - Bad Romance (Like, seriously?)

What is your life story? - Resistance

What do you wanna be when you grow up? - Billionaire

What do you think when you see the person you like? - Invincible

What do your parents think of you? - Superman (Ho yeah! :D)

What will you dance at your wedding? - 7 Things (Double ho yeah! :D)

What will they play at your funeral? - Dont Stop Believing (Uhhhh -.-)

What is your hobby? - Catch Me (Pfft -.-)

What is your biggest secret? - Stupid Love Letter

What do you think of your friends? - Belaian Jiwa

What will you post this as? - Teenage Dream

Haha this was fun. Thanks Amirah Majid

Okay now this is from Khairiazrina.

Rules: Upload 10 photos of you with your friends and tell something behind that photo.

Lepas amek SPM slip, pergi makan dengan (dari hujung sana) Mahani, Alya, me,

Kamil and Ojai. Dibalik tabir, there is Farid, Jijah and Sapek.

Ini masa Annual Grand Dinner. First time pakai dress, first time perform on stage

playing piano, duet dengan Yea and the other bands. It was awesome!

It's like we owned this dinner :D

During my 19th birthday. This is the only gals that has been

through my ups and downs. Love them till death.

Dormmates masa sekolah menengah dulu. This was taken during my

junior high school. Maksudnya masa tingkatan empat. Haha.

Masa merdeka. 30 August 2009. Tunggu countdown. Ini semua junior aku.

Taken during my Senior Year. (Oh man i really wanna say that. Senior year. Hah :D)

Besties masa high school. ♥

Classmates. Taken during Senior Year. Spot me if you can!

I was the webmaster for the school website. Padahal tak buat kerja pun :P

That guy yang pegang trofi tu Abang Amir. He's a super-senior at my school

and now is working in France as, uhh, lupa. His status, married.

Studiomatesssss! This was taken during case study at Sunway Lagoon. We were

suppose to have our case study at Genting Highlands but due to some 'things'

that happen, we changed 'route'. Bummer. Spot me (again) if you can!

And this, ummm, this was taken during my 19th birthday. Look at our happy faces

(except Apang, he always like that). But now, i can rarely see those happy faces.

Ada yang aku tak jumpa langsung. Busy agaknya :/

Dah. Habis. Bye.

I Am Superbubol

2010-11-12T03:09:00.000+08:00

If you're bored, like me,

Come play this game! :D

But seriously guys and girls, this game is addictive. If you are willing to sacrifice your keyboard -- especially you space bar -- then you may proceed. If not, better not to open the web. It might kill you.

PS, if you have other games, lemme know. Im freaking bored right now. Not kidding.

Nothing To Do With My Biological Clock

2010-11-10T22:35:00.002+08:00

It's been hella bored these past 2 days of holiday. I cant quite catch up with the world. I mean i still cant reset back my biological clock. The thing is, i sleep quite early but then woke up like, 12pm? And then i Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, Tumblr. And the last thing i knew, it was already 7 pm. (Okay this whole thing dont even relate to my bio clock).

Speaking of Tumblr, Tumblr is for cool people. Say it with accent: COOL.

Haha i learnt that from Tumblr. See what i mean? :D

Damn. Im jammed.

Bye.

He's just effing hot in this movie. Differ from HSM.

(If you think he aint that hot, look deeply in his eyes and think twice)

PS, uia peeps, live your life to the fullest during this 'summer vacation'. Jangan nak mengada pakai baju 'Im Perfect, You're Not' dan menayang-nayang di mana-mana pusat beli belah. Ok? Ok. Cool.

PS, kalau jumpa aku kat mana-mana sila tegur. Aku rabun. Tak mampu nak detect korang dari jauh. Dah lah muka aku yang serba serbi kerek ni. Rabun pula. Jadi, paham paham lah ya dengan kecacatan aku ni.

Salam.

First Day Cuti, Spoiled

2010-11-09T09:50:00.000+08:00

Credit to M.

Betul cakap kawan aku, orang yang buta blog ni takkan paham orang yang tulis blog.

Itu saja nak bagitahu.

Aku memang talam dua muka. Kalau aku kat luar lain. Kat blog, lain.

Itu saja nak bagitahu.

So, exam dah habis.

Itu saja nak bagitahu.

Seriously, kecewa lah dengan sesetengah orang. Macam ade certain orang ni cakap, 'kalau berani face to face lah weyyyyy'. Tapi kau pun sama je. Tulis berbagai bagai kat blog, twitter, wordpress, facebook.

And sorry, aku tak sesopan yang kau sangka. Aku dah cakap kan.

Malas aku nak fit in lagi dengan orang. Malas.

Sumpah Aku Tak Boleh Tengok Kucing

2010-11-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

Aku tak boleh lah tengok apa-apa pasal kucing. Kucing kena pijak kepala sampai pecah ke, kucing kena langgar dengan kereta ke, kucing kena lenyek dengan lori ke, kucing kena panggang dalam kuali ke, kucing kena sebat pakai penyapu ke, tak boleh. Aku serious tak boleh tengok benda-benda macam ni. Lagi-lagi kalau berkaitan dengan kucing.

The Not-So-Pleasant Wake Up Call

2010-11-03T06:59:00.000+08:00

(This is not some stuuupid tips on how to prank your roommates. This, is, real)

Ok now. It's 6:03 am.

I stared at the ceiling for half and hour already.

You probably wondering (or not) why im awake at the time like this. I never woke up this early. The earliest was 6:45 am. But 5:38? Never.

This is not a ghost story im gonna talk about. And this is not some kind of a story that i took from another person or from a myth. Well, it's hardly a myth but you get the idea.

It's been a while since my roommate talks in her sleep. She always did that. That's why, i never stayed up late in this room. Unless everybody stayed up together, then im joining them. It's not that im scared of whatever might happen or some sort (since we're in the middle of nowhere near big city). Im used to this staying-up-in-hostels.

Ok let's cut to the chase.

I was awake not because due to the fact that im scared that i havent prepared for tomorrow's exam. Or, it's not im awake because morning's wireless connections are like super fast! No, no that. Im scared because one of my roommates woke up suddenly, then she cried and yelled, 'Takuuut! Dunia nak kiamaaaat!'. The funny part was, i was thinking to myself while in my soft comforter 'chill Lyla. This is just a drill. Repeat, it's just a drill'. Haha. Uh, okay it's not funny. And lame.

But the thing is, she reeeaaally scares me to death! I mean like, who doest get weak in the knees (not because your crush is smiling sweetly at you but) because of something like this?

Ok i started to realize that im more to talking craps rather than explaining things. Im just scared at things like this. And this roommate of mine, suddenly woke up, and crying like it's really -- and by really i mean SERIOSLY the end of the world, like today's the day it'll happen. To tell you the truth, this is her second time saying things like this in her sleep. But this time, she said it when she's totally wide awake.

I know im not suppose to post this but, im just telling people. Is this some kind of a sign?

God knows better than i am.

And now. It's 6:57am, and im wide awake.

More Of Car Issues

2010-10-22T12:48:00.001+08:00

This thing never gets old.

And with this effing thing, i cant get a First Class during graduate. Thank you.

PS, please stand up and applause. That might made my day.

Penat. Letih

2010-10-21T22:35:00.000+08:00

Menangis? Dah.

Tengok dia dari jauh? Dah.

Menangis lagi? Dah juga.

Macam tu je lah drama remaja.

Bosan.

Disaster But Whatever

2010-10-19T14:53:00.001+08:00

Hello folks. Today is heaven. Too heaven to explain.

Yesterday was a complete disaster. I think no one came out happy, including me. But i think i was the worst. After i came out from the panel room, i ran to Kaed surau, and cry myself to sleep. Well, that's the way it's supposed to be aite. So, yeah.

If i fail, i have to accept and go to another course.

But if i pass, well, that's another story.

But as for now, i should enjoy a little bit.

Oh, forgot to tell ya. We had a big presentation day yesterday. Our final project for Architectural Design subject. Yes, architecture. As in.. yeah architecture. Yaa you know what i mean. No? 'Sokay. So our final project was to make/design a children playground. It aint easy you know. We have to include all the requirements and stuff. We have to include concept, what material we use, what color and why we choose that color, then those anthropometric plus ergonomics, anddd yeah that's about it.

And my presentation? I only managed to cover up till the first part, which is the concept. After that, that's when the drama reveals. Cool huh? Haha dammit -.-

So ummm, nak pergi Subway sekejap lah. Nak makan something special today. Bye!

PS, good luck to everyone in the world. Have strength, have faith :)

Bila Nak November Pula?

2010-10-10T21:36:00.002+08:00

Kalau masa sekolah dulu, aku rajin tunggu 8 haribulan 8 tahun 2008. Sekarang, bila dah masuk universiti, nak tunggu 10 haribulan 10 tahun 2010 pun dah malas. Padahal aku baru tahu hari ini dah 10 haribulan. Kalau tak ada orang kahwin hari ni, kalau tak ada orang post status Facebook '10.10.10' hari ni, entah sampai bila aku nak sedar hari ni 10 haribulan.

Apa yang aku tahu, 13 haribulan, 15 haribulan dan 18 haribulan -- submission day.

Lantaklah.

My secrets of 2009 is kept in this ball. Cool huh?

Tak ada siapa yang berani bukak. Heh :)

When Is It My Turn?

2010-10-01T22:53:00.003+08:00

On September 28, 2010, i was in UIA, doing all those shitty models and drawings while my brother had his first 'dream come true' at UTM Skudai. Kinda frustrated that i couldnt see him wearing the robe, and the not-so graduation hat. Bummer.

Anyways. Congrats, Bro :)

PS, aku tahu. Semalas-malas kau pun, kau pandai jugak kan. Wait till it's MY turn! Heh.

29 Hours Without Sleep Then Suddenly I Saw A Pink Star Lying Below My Playground

2010-09-19T12:46:00.001+08:00

"Patrick Star! What the hell are you doing there!? MOVE!"

In other words, im hell tired and i think i havent start anything yet.

okthanksforreadingbyebyeiloveyounoobs! :D

...

Let's Go To Neverland!

2010-09-18T12:15:00.000+08:00

-___-

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?

Separuh Nyawa

2010-09-17T22:06:00.001+08:00

Dua hari demam. Best.

Pagi tadi tak pergi kelas. Dua kelas tak pergi. Sangat best.

Aku bukan bersarkastik. Memang best pun, orang lain sibuk pergi kelas, aku duduk rumah, makan pil, telan air, sandar kat kerusi berkusyenkan kusyen empuk, luruskan kaki ke depan dan tengok tv.

Bukan macam dekat UIA, duduk studio, letak beg atas meja, meja runtuh, duduk atas kerusi, tak boleh sandar sebab tak ada penyandar, tulang belakang sakit lepas itu sibuk sibuk uruskan hal model yang tak pernah nak siap.

Aku bukan salahkan UIA. Aku salahkan studio sebab tak ergonomik. Ha, ini baru sarkastik.

Oh, and sorry kepada sesiapa yang tak jemu-jemu hantar mesej pagi tadi. Aku sengaja matikan handphone. Kalau bukak pun bukannya boleh balas segala mesej tu. Kredit, RM 0.00. Entah dah berapa bulan aku tak top up. Cuma hari terakhir Ramadhan tu je Abang dengan segala murah hatinya kasi transfer kredit RM 1.00. Itu je lah bekalan aku.

Dah bye. Otak aku ni dah mula nak menyakitkan hati orang. Lagi banyak aku menaip, lagi sarkastik lah post ni.

"Lela, daripada Lela main Guitar Hero tu baik Lela buat model playground. Buat sikit-sikit. Mesti siap. Tengok pekerja yang buat rumah kat belakang sana tu. Sikit-sikit dorang buat. Ha, lama-lama jadi lah jugak rumah bertenggek kat situ kan?" kata Ibu.

Hm. Betul juga ya.

Those Stars Don't Shine Like They Used To Be

2010-09-16T01:35:00.003+08:00

Quick post.

Went to UIA for Fardh Ain class then come back home after that. So here i am, at home.

Actually, i have something in mind. Something that i rarely -- or never -- tell anyone.

But wait, lemme ask you something; what and/or how do you feel if you have to stand like, a thousand miles away from your best friend? And, can you really let go of your best friend because of one stupid thing -- really stupid that you cant imagine how stupid it was -- just like that?

Yeahhh...

Sorry, i have to let this thing out.

Bulan Sabit Pada Raya Ke Tiga

2010-09-13T00:37:00.001+08:00

Untung rasa dapat tengok ini semalam.

Tapi tak silap aku, itu satellite.

Sebab bak kata lecturer Land Surveying aku, katanya "satellite takkan berkelip sebab satellite sangat dekat dengan bumi. Unlike the stars, they are so far away from the earth thus, it will create some kind of a twinkling effect when the Sun pancarkan its light to the stars. It's some sorta like, reflecting."

Haha ok i made that up. Tapi lecturer aku ada cakap masa kelas Land Surveying, masa kitorang belajar pasal Satellite. Dia ada bagitahu beza antara satellite dengan bintang.

But im pretty sure that's a satellite. Sebab 'bintang' tu tak berkelip.

Whatever it is, it's beautiful. Macam lambang masjid, bukan?

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

2010-09-10T00:44:00.001+08:00

To all my friends, family and my loyal readers, Selamat Hari Raya.

I love you. Seriously. You guys are the best :)

Best wishes from,

El Soraya

A View From Haven

2010-09-07T13:19:00.001+08:00

Someone had tagged me. Dia nak tahu apa ada dalam handbag aku. But unfortunately, Atikah Khalil, aku tak ada handbag. Cool kan? Haha. So since i dont have any handbag (or own one) might as well skip the tag. Sorry Atikah. But thanks for tagging me though.

Sekarang baru aku sedar. Selama 19 tahun aku hidup, hari ni baru aku dapat hargai Twin Tower tu. Tengok. Tinggi sangat menara tu sampai langit pun boleh becahaya. And, look at how it glows. Ok that, personally, i can appreciate.

But as an architecture student, still aint working. Ah well.

photo taken at Haven Restaurant, Jalan Ampang

Looking For A Sweet Flashback

2010-09-06T01:25:00.006+08:00

I miss the days when we're like super best friend that anybody would've dream of.

We were. Once.

I really need someone who can understand my language.

"Aku tak boleh doh tegur Farah. Takut"

"Asal plak?"

"Tah la. Haha. There's just something yang buat aku takut dengan dia."

"Haha asal doh? Cerita la."

"Emm kau tahu tak macam dekat cerita mat saleh yang ada perempuan biasa dengan a group of 'mean girls' dekat high school dorang tu? Ha, aku yang perempuan biasa tu and dia yang 'mean girls' tu."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Asaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal?"

"Haha tadepape. It's just funny when you put it that way."

I always think that way since i was little -- always afraid of those so-called 'mean girls'.
Up till now, he's the only person who knew about this.

...Y'know what, flashbacks suck.

Three Things

2010-09-01T17:12:00.001+08:00

First, thank you Ibu for lending me your broadband. UIA internet sucks. Big time.

Second, my blog now aint safe. I've heard a lot of "dah lah blog entah apa-apa" and "dah lah aku baca blog kau". (That last 'quote' doesnt make sense. That's why, they're idiots). I never thought that this piece of crap would be like, popular -- in a bad way. I'd like to know who's responsible revealing this blog. The url especially. I dont mind going public. I just hate those blabbermouth who keeps quoting everything or saying things like "dah lah aku baca blog kau". What was that all about? Dan perlu ke aku tau kau baca blog aku ke tak? Bukan aku nak bagi anugerah pun.

Third, i gotta say, some (minor) malay people have no manners. E.g showing middle finger to the other people, no thank yous, no pleases, no knocking doors, no greetings, always teasing and insult people, etc. Figure it out yourself. It's a common attitude in Malaysia.

Done. Bye.

Tadi after class, aku dengan kawan aku balik dengan sorang lelaki ni. This guy's half malay, almost-half english. We were carrying this shit loads of A2 sized cartridge papers and an A2 sized board. Me and my friend were whining about how heavy our stuff was. Then this guy, he was like, "bagi sini. Meh aku bawakkan". :)

Tahan, Lyla. Tahan.

2010-08-31T13:07:00.002+08:00

Ini, kena reject =_=

Kata pensyarah aku, "this, is, not, a, concept. This, is, a, theme. What you do is right now, is, a, theme!" Menjengkelkan tak baca macam tu? Aku pun terasa jengkel. Pensyarah aku memang cakap macam tu -- separuh-separuh dan sekat-sekat. Konon macam 'saspen' lah kan. Hurh, ya right.

Fine. Aku tau aku salah. Memang aku salah sebab aku tertukar concept dengan theme tapi aku tak suka cara dia komen. He was like -- umm what's the word? -- tak ada adab. Mengajar orang dengan cara perli-perli. Bayangkan, aku tengah present depan dia, dia boleh pulak pusing belakang, cakap dengan orang lain, lepas tu dia pusing balik kat aku, buat muka yang aku rasa nak sepak seribu kali lepas tu dia cakap, "apa kau cakap tadi?"

Bagi dia, mungkin semua tu kelakar kot. Tidak mengapa. Orang tua (perasan muda) kan. Saya paham.

Anyway, Happy Merdeka Day. Aku balik rumah. Konon nak cari semula concept untuk design tu. (Nota penulis: di UIA tiada internet access harap maklum). Tapi tiba-tiba Ibu cakap nak pergi beli baju raya, so YEY! Bye bye concept, hello baju rayyyyyyyyyya!

"It's a liberty walk. Say goodbye to the people who tied you up" - Miley Cyrus

I Can't Believe Im Saying This But, I Miss My Sister

2010-08-30T00:09:00.001+08:00

I was webcam-ing with my sister, who is at the hospital right now. To tell you the truth, this is my first time webcam-ing with one of my family. Hah. The last time i remember, i was webcam-ing with Kumin? Yep. Positive.

Aiyna said she will be out from heaven (her words, not mine) by tomorrow. Thank God, nothing serious :)

She has never been so obedient with me before. I told her to show her tube thingy, she did it right away. I was touched :'D

Okay bye.

Weird Thoughts

2010-08-29T01:49:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i wonder, am i gonna fall for someone again? Will i make the same mistakes like i did last time?

I once had my first and last best guy friend. And i dont think i'll ever find one again. Nor have one.

To be frank, guys are troublesome. Im saying this as fact, not from my point of view. ...Wait. Why am i talking about guys?

*clear throat* The bottom line is, i hate guys -- for now. Some guys to be exact. I've been surrounded by guys since i was 14. Not that im proud or anything. Guys are disgusting. Nothing to be proud of.

And some guys are really a pain in the ass. I've this one guy friend -- who's not really a friend but you can call that -- is somewhat a player. A real one. Like this one time, a friend of mine was standing beside me, asking about architecture and stuff. And this guy, stares at her like saying "wow you're hot today let's get some lunch or something". Not just that. He even stares at every girl who walks past him. I was like, 'the hell with you dude?'. I know this aint sound like a player but believe me, if you look at the way he stares, you'll stamp the word PLAYER on his forehead right away.

And for the record, he has a girlfriend. A steady one.

...come to think of it, this sounds like nothing serious. I dont even know why i start this thing. As far as i know, i was talking about falling. Am i?

As a teenage girl, i always thought to myself, will anyone ever fall for me?

Naaahhhh.

Typhoid Fever

2010-08-28T15:40:00.003+08:00

I just read about it. It's kinda dangerous (but not that dangerous) cause it infects people easily through food. It started through flying things that eat feces and then landing on foods and.. that's all i know. I was doing a really really quick skim. I dont like to read. Sorry. But i know how the bacteria infect people.

Like my sister. She's been infected.

I dont quite bother much, my sister. She's like a superwoman.

See what i mean?

Oh wait! Well, apparently this disease is dangerous. It said (in Wikipedia) that "...a young cook who is responsible for infecting at least 53 people with typhoid, three of whom died from the disease.." ....oh-kaaaaay.

"Many carriers of typhoid were locked into an isolation ward.." -- true true -- "..never to be released in order to prevent further typhoid cases. These people often deteriorated mentally, driven mad by the conditions they lived in."

Okay. Didnt see that one coming.

PS, i feel sorry for dad. Suppose we're going to Kuantan but due to this, everything was cancelled. And i feel guilty for... yesterday. Saying that i dont wanna go, too many works, bla bla bla. *slap myself* :(

I Knew There's Something Funny About The Ending

2010-08-20T22:07:00.003+08:00

Lyla, Husna dan Malena sedang berjalan menuju ke bilik selepas membeli makanan untuk berbuka. Dalam perjalanan pulang, mereka pandang ke langit dan..

"Hey! Awan pink!" Husna.

"WHAT? Oren sudaaaa" Lyla.

"Pink laaa" Malena

"Pink lahhhh. Lyla, awak nak dengar tak cerita awan pink?" Husna.

"Ha! Ha! Aku nak cerita aku nak cerita!" Malena.

"Haha sumpah ada cerita dia? Ha cerita cepat" Lyla

"Ha macam ni. Ok first, kau pilih dua nama bestfriend kau"

"Emmm okay. Mkay dengan Kumin"

"Ok. One day, korang berjalan-jalan tiga orang. Pastu tiba-tiba, korang accident. Tiga-tiga mati".

Ok baru intro dah mati. Then?

"Then korang bertiga masuk syurga. Kira macam jadi bidadari lah. Ada sayap apa semua la. Then one day, ada orang kat syurga tu bagitahu korang, 'jangan pijak awan pink'"

"Ok chop, awan pink tu apa?"

"Sat laaaaaaa".

"Ha and then, ada satu hari tu, kau berjalan dengan Kumin. Kau dengan Kumin je. Tiba-tiba korang terjumpa Mkay dengan seorang mamat ni memang hodoh gila ah. Sumpa hodoh la".

Ok time ni sumpah aku dah gelak gila-gila. Haha!

"Haha lepas tu, kau Lyla, kau pun tanya Mkay, 'kenapa hodoh sangat pakwe kau weh?' Mkay pun jawab 'sebab aku terpijak awan pink'. Lepas tu habis".

"Habis dah?"

"Belummm. Kejap, nak balas mesej".

- - - - - - - - - - -

"Ok lepas tu kau pulak jalan dengan Mkay. Jalan jalan jalan jalan, tiba-tiba kau terjumpa Kumin dengan pakwe dia yang lagi hodoh dari Mkay punya".

- ok time ni, sumpah aku bantai gelak gila babi (sorry Kumin) -

"Ha lepas tu kau pun tanya Kumin, 'Ya Allah Kuminnnnn, pahal doh dengan pakwe kau!?' Kumin pun jawab, 'aku terpijak awan pink'".

"And then one day Kumin dengan Mkay terjumpa kau dengan sorang lelaki ni. Handsome gila lah. Kumin dengan Mkay pun jeles aa. Kumin dengan Mkay pun tanye. Tapi bukan tanya kau, dorang tanya lelaki tu, 'macam mana kau boleh dapat kawan aku tu?' Lelaki tu pun jawab, 'sebab aku terpijak awan pink'.

Lying Isn't My Specialty

2010-08-16T01:21:00.002+08:00

Aku banyak menipu hari ni.

Aku tipu mak aku.

Aku tipu groupmate aku.

Aku tipu kawan baik aku.

Aku tak tipu mak aku. Yang tu hampir. Aku nak cakap "Ibu esok Lela takde kelas so Lela balik Isnin petang la ye?" tapi tak jadi. Tak sampai hati. Tengok, sejahat-jahat aku pun, aku pikir 15 kali tau nak tipu mak aku ke tak.

Sebelum ni, kalau dekat CFS dulu aku ada lah jugak 'the will' nak balik kampus. Sebab ada orang. Or should i say ada 'seseorang'. Tapi sekarang, nak balik kampus rasa macam balik asrama tentera. Dengan kata lain, tak ada life.

Sorry eh. Aku bukan emo. Sumpah tak. Macam aku cakap sebelum ni dan sebelumnya dan sebelumnya; aku masih tak ada hati. Nak tau macam mana perasaan aku sekarang? Baca post ni dengan tak ada nada. Langsung. Flat voice. Monotone. Tak pun try feel watak Dacota Fanning dekat cerita Eclipse tu sambil baca post ni. Boleh feel tak? Bagus.

Pasal tipu groupmate tu, heh, sorry la bro. Semua ni sebab karma. Salahkan karma.

Pasal tipu kawan baik tu, tipu je. Mana ada. Aku saja tambah. Nak bagi dramatik sikit.

PS, siapa yang nak try rasa hidup aku, pergi lawat aku kat Main Auditorium KAED setiap hari Rabu. Lawat je. Tak payah buat apa-apa. Lawat je. Pastu feel. Okay? Terima kasih.

Lyla's Evil Week

2010-08-14T13:35:00.002+08:00

To be honest: I SKIPPED CLASS THIS WHOLE WEEK.

Aku bukan nak merungut. Kadang-kadang aku suka tulis benda yang aku tak sepatutnya tulis sebab one day, blog ni jugak akan jadi tempat aku kenang balik zaman jahiliah aku. Yes, this blog is a public-reading tapi aku perlukan sesuatu untuk 'flash back'. So yeah, this is the place.

Yeah, the caps statement explains everything. No need to describe. Paham sendiri.

Setakat ni, aku tak reti nak appreciate architecture lagi. Im okay with drawings but there's something that really hit me somewhere. Nampak gambar tu? Aku okay bila disuruh lukis on the spot macam tu. Tapi ada something yang aku rasa (bukan tak suka tapi) menyampah. Paham tak?

'Sokay. Aku pun taknak orang lain paham. Dont wanna relate anybody with this shit.

Anyway..

..kenapa tak ramai guys macam ni kat Malaysia eh?

Im Runnig Away From UIA

2010-08-07T23:48:00.004+08:00

I never said working in a team aint fun. Never.

Im just saying that working with in a team is more tensed than working alone. Just sayin.

Luckily im a kind that forgive, ignore, and forget. Last night (without any decision and plans) i drove like crazy around 11, singing Love The Way You Lie loudly till i forget.

Mind you, im not pointing fingers. Just saying.

But seriously this lamp design is hella hectic. Im not busy. Just hectic.

My definition of hectic. Easy. e.g. A lecturer gives you a task -- which was to draw 120 different architect-like figure, different pose in an hour and a half. Been there.

Again, im not playing pointing fingers. Just saying.

PS, we aint going to Genting but to Sunway Lagoon. Case study at a lagoon. Think twice.

On The High Note

2010-07-29T12:30:00.000+08:00

I know it's creepy to draw a guy that i admire but hey, this is the first time i manage to draw as exactly as the real one. The real person. It's just an admiration. Nothing more. I just like his style, that's all.

Anyway, im going back to college. Got History class at 3.30, which i like. The most. My favourite. Uhhhh.. yeah.

PS, am going to Genting Highlands this Saturday. Gonna go sketch some coasters :/ Bye!

Achromatic Future

2010-07-28T22:50:00.004+08:00

When talk about career, i panicked.

I cant seem to find (or predict) my future. Not that i can predict the future or anything. It's just that for the time being, i am kind of lost. Im still like, on a quest -- searching for my future. I cant understand what im studying right now. That's what i meant by lost.

Just now, my in-class assignments, i got double C's. Pretty cool huh. Yeah, C for cool, that make sense.

With that kind of grades, how am i suppose to get at least 3.5? I really cant see me as an architect.

I really wish i have some talent. Make a video, upload on youtube then BAM!, im famous. Okay im not into fame, really. What im saying is that those Youtube-ers easily got signed by some music records. And with a blink of an eye, they got their career. Just like that.

I mean look at Charice. She sang with Celine Dion (i think) in Oprah. Then Oprah recommend her, bla bla bla (i dont really know the story but lebih kurang macam tu la). And now, she sings alongside Iyaz.

Or look at Christina Grimmie (she's my fav). She uploads about her singing this and that, then some guy name Kurt Schneider (also a well-known Youtube-ers) call her, making a video clip. Yadda yadda yadda. Then now, i just watched her video, she announced that she was about to fly to LA to get signed by a music record. And she's just 16. (Dont ask me what i was doing when im 16. It's horrible).

See how easily they get their career? See how bright their future are?

I hope somewhat, somewhere, somehow, someday i'll improve. I mean on my architecture.

Heh, but seriously though, the funny part was when i saw the letter C at the bottom right (or left?) of my paper, i was soooo relief! That C, to me, was like an A. It's better than REDO but still, that C'll affect my pointer. Heh, funny story eh? -_-"

......man i hope i have something hidden in me.

With Or Without Happy Thoughts?

2010-07-25T10:42:00.001+08:00

First of all, Happy Birthday Topman!

It's been awhile since we celebrate one's birthday together. Unfortunately we missed Khairummin's and Cicak's. The last birthday we celebrated was Maryam Kirana's at Secret Recipe in Jaya One. Hers was April 1st. That was the last. After that, everyone went to different way. It's hard to get along with them now.

I wish i could do something tonight. I miss them.

Secondly, right after i published my previous post, Edora Deon called. "I read your blog. You okay?" she asked after i picked up. I was silent for a couple of second then i cried. That was the first tears i shed after i entered IIUM. Then we talked about our new life; campus life, meeting some meanie bus drivers, joining social clubs for extra credits, etc. Well that was her story. Mine was like, how hectic my days as an architecture student. That. Boring eh? I know.

Thanks to her i feel a bit more relief. As for now. I dont know what'll happen to me after this. But i know i can turn to her.

Thirdly, well, not that i cant turn to my mother in any case. It's just that, she's the type i-dont-listen-i-talk. Except when i really really in depressed or sometimes have a mother-daughter fight. She goes like, "talk. Tell me what do you want. Tell me EVERYTHING" (yeah she did emphasize that). Other than that situation, she'll do the talking. That's why i rarely turn to her. It's good having her giving advices and all that but i wont feel any relief since i cant spill everything out.

Im not complaining. Just saying.

Fourthly, and now, im starting to freak out when i got a text message from Anis saying that "semua orang yang start buat Jumaat hari tu pun belum siap lagi assignment and group kita tak buat apa-apa lagi". In other words, i cant take an break. Even a second. Oh how cruel this world is.

I feel like screaming my lungs (and every organ in my body) out.

Cucuk Hati, Mati

2010-07-23T00:14:00.002+08:00

Sekarang aku dekat rumah. (hai kawan-kawan yang berada di IIUM!)

Sampai rumah tadi, tengok ramai saudara datang. Wah, sumpah rasa semangat nak jumpa. Bila tegur, semua dah tak macam dulu. Semua dah matang. Cakap macam orang matang. Mereka yang dlu-dulu layan cerita jepun dah tak layan. Mereka yang dulu suka buat silly jokes, dah tak buat. Mereka yang dulu suka main baling-baling selipar, dah tak baling. I was shocked. So shocked i feel like crying. Takut.

Ini bukan culture shock. Ini menstrual shock (?). Abaikan.

Hai hai... Kenapa emotional sangat ni? Hang PMS ka cik El Soraya?

Yang kanan sekali buat kuat semangat aku. Thanks.

Nampaknya aku perlukan sedikit hidup. Bukan hanya mati. Tapi hidup. ~~Dan architecture~~.

(Sampai sekarang, aku tak tahu apa beza art dengan architecture. Go die)

Ibu, Maaf. Saya Tak Dapat Masuk Caklempong. Saya Busy

2010-07-21T22:50:00.002+08:00

Ramai yang depress. Mentally. Physically, everyone's under control -- i think.

Aku pun sama; mentally depressed, and physically. Penat. Sangat. Budak yang amek architecture (di UIA) je yang paham. (ya Allah.. ada lagi lima tahun wehh! Serious, tolong lah paham!)

Baru minggu kedua (tolak minggu taaruf) semua orang dah tunjuk hidung belang. Aku tak berani nak mengata dan menuduh, sebab aku pun sama jugak. Nak mengutuk orang lain, aku pun lebih kurang je macam semua orang. So malas nak sentuh pasal ni. Tapi serious, aku bengang. Aku dah tawar hati. Case closed.

Maybe aku belum cukup enjoy masuk degree. Degree terlalu matang. Otak aku belum cukup matang. Aku still perlukan kawan-kawan untuk pergi ke kelas, untuk pergi makan, untuk pergi shopping, etc.

Duit. ....Duit kering. Hilang sekejap je. Macam magic. Duit. Hilang. Macam tu je.

Frankly, aku dah tak kisah pasal peristiwa tiga bulan lalu. Malas nak pikir. Kalau aku paksa diri suruh ingat balik, dah tak ada efek. Lantaklah dia nak pakai baju apa, lantaklah dia dah couple dengan siapa, lantaklah bulu hidung dia nak panjang mana, tak kisah. Otak ni dah tak larat pikir pasal hidup.

Sekarang ni, yang penting, aku dah set mind untuk fokus pada mati. Dan architecture.

PS, aku jealous dengan Edora Deon. Dia pandai enjoy. As for me, im following the flow -- no adding, no subtracting. Im like a robot.

I Want To Scream, Laugh And Cry

2010-07-05T23:34:00.004+08:00

I hope i found this along the way.

Auf wiedersehen!

-off to IIUM-

I'm Lazier Than A Sloth

2010-07-04T23:27:00.002+08:00

Quick post.

First of all, i dont know where i put my suitcase. In other words, i havent packed. At all.

Second of all, i just realize i havent done anything. (except for the fees, i already paid that).

Suddenly, i dont feel like going to college. Not that im not ready -- okay maybe a ~~little bit~~ ~~lot~~ little bit-- but im not sure what i feel right now. But come to think of it, i always feel like this before i enter college/boarding school.

But seriously, the laziness inside me is still there. Im still in the mood of sitting on the couch and watch random channels on tv. Im still 'antisocial'. I still want to stay near mommy and daddy. Yes, im serious.

Big brother's already in his college but guess what. He's in UPM, Serdang and im in IIUM, Gombak, for God's sake. I'm like 1 hour from home and he's like.. 13 minutes! Yeah. Who's independent now huh?

I hope that's just a minor typing error. Let's pray people. Let's pray.

Tag Dari Aqilah Romi

2010-07-03T22:01:00.000+08:00

1) Bagaimana anda menjadikan blog anda sebagai medan dakwah?
- Maaf, belum lagi. (tunduk muka)

2) Sumbangan selama anda menjadi blogger?
- .....entah. cerita merapek-rapek kot haha -.-

3) Apa yang anda dapat sepanjang jadi blogger?
- Saya belajar untuk menjadi lebih sarkastik dalam kehidupan saya.

4) Blog yang macam mana yang anda suka stalk?
- Cara penceritaan dia best dan ringkas. Tapi serious, aku tak suka 'stalk' blog orang. Aku baca blog yang aku follow je. Unless orang tu follow aku and dia tinggalkan link kat shoutbox tu.

5) Tag lima kawan anda.
- Atiqah Syakila / Naqib Mohamad / Catt Hamid / Kak Iela / Azrina / Ani Arishah / Hafizah Fauzi / Amirah Majid / Ili Aini / M

PS, izit me or that award image is kinda weird. Naaaah. It's just me. False alarm.